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Hopefully dwelling on

How I long for days
when hearts were whole
and solitude desirable;
old wisdom transported me
on wings of awe
and gently landed me in fields
of  smiles and sheltered dreams…
Stripped of innocence instead
we stroll along lonely
twisting roads
too often in circles;
Exploring heartaches
not unlike how the tongue probes
where the tooth has grazed…
One cannot hope to learn all lessons
from that which your path had been
adorned with
or strive to err and learn it all…
yet I eagerly turn my face towards that
when I will examine the proud scars
living left me with…

7 Aug 06

Rated 7 (7.5) by 1 users.
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Inactive (1): 7, 8

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i like the way it meanders back to the title ....
 — listen

Thank you, listen. Anything you'd suggest I do differently?
 — Nostalgia

too many .....
I liked it until about line 14 - the tongue grazed?  I know what you mean but there has to be a way to saying it better.  You're talking about a tooth that's gone or something?  From line 14 on, you seem to ramble, it gets all lost in itself.  

Can you sort that out and make it a stronger finish?
 — Isabelle5

Gosh, thank you Isabelle. I'll look into that...
 — Nostalgia

just give it a tighter focus i guess.
 — listen

Ok, I'll try...Thank you for the input.
 — Nostalgia

A nice attempt overall...
 — unknown

With lines 13 & 14 I referred to how one sometimes accidentally bite the inside of you lip or cheek and knowing how painful it is, you still cannot help exploring that little burning wound with your tongue...
 — Nostalgia

I have considered exploring what it means to work in a small, dark, confined space.

With this thought in mind, your comment does not sound as mad to me as it might to most.  Quintessentially though, you're doomed.
 — Meep

I'm doomed, am I now? If you're referring to what I said about l13 &14, it's a bit much. It happens all the time... People itch and they scratch, knowing that they'll hurt their skin,etc...
 — Nostalgia

Maybe I'll come back when you've calmed down a bit :)
 — Meep

love lines 12 to 14, what an original and true to form concept. There is a really good flow to the way it is written. It somehow had a soothing affect on me, not sure why. themorrigan
 — unknown

For me those lines say that it's ok to dwell on heartaches if you choose...
 — unknown

I'm glad it had that effect on you, themorrigan... What i was trying to say was that while the mistakes we make in life are often so much less than pleasant, they're necessary and shape who we become, depending on whether we choose to learn from them or not. Perhaps it's a reminder to myself that I should look at each mistake and see what I learnt from it...
 — Nostalgia