| Spiritual Advice to a Wounded Friend
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Isabelle5
| Step by step and so it goes, | 1 |
the Father’s will; our backs are bent | 2 |
to testify to His good grace - | 3 |
for nothing of our own, our hours are spent. | 4 |
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Day by day and so it comes, | 5 |
the body’s weakness bears the Cross | 6 |
to testify that we are His | 7 |
by nothing that we’ve done but for His loss. | 8 |
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Age by age and so we are | 9 |
but spirit children; growing up | 10 |
by growing here within His sight – | 11 |
taking of His bread, sharing of His cup. | 12 |
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7 Aug 06 |
Rated 6 (8.3) by 1 users.
Active (1): 6
Inactive (7): 3, 7, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(236 more poems by this author)
(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
i like it, but i have a few suggestions.
first, i was wanting some kind of finality, closure- ie looking forward to seeing His face, or the blessing of completed sanctification, etc. it seems that the encouragement was left primarily in the drudging of the temporal world, which to me isn't all that encouraging.
second, the last lines of each stanza are too long, so they seem weaker than they should be.
anywho that's my opinion, if it matters. i do like it though.
— rz
Well, I wrote it for a friend, as encouragement. If you read it closer, you'll see that all the verses have the same number of syllables per line and the 2nd and 4th lines rhyme.
There can't be a finish, we're all still here! Believe me, if I can write a poem after I die, I better get a 10!
— Isabelle5
depending on how you look at things, you will indeed be able to write poetry after you die. ;)
— rz
It's enough. (10)
— Meep
Meep, a 10? Bless you, Woman!
— Isabelle5
for some reason i find it abstract. i know it isn't, it must just be the way the rhyme scheme was used, and the way the verses are set.
— listen
Hmm, how can you read this as abstract? I was trying to be as realistic as I could.
— Isabelle5
how are you?
— ducktape
this is beautiful. good jorb.
— ducktape
and wow...100 poems on here now. fantastic!
<3 duckie
— ducktape
I'm fine but very bothered by all the things happening to friends currently. Oh, I do have 100! I was thinking I had 99! hahaha I work in finance, I can count by one's!
Imc
— Isabelle5
if only i had time to read the other 99!
— oracle
Lines 3 and 7 throw the beat of this otherwise good work to hither and yon: The rhythm is skewed by those two.
Religious poetry is difficult to write. Your eyes and mind are necessarily on the diety. But don't let that stomp on the flow of words. Feel the inner god/goddess. When s/he speaks, it's poetry.
You've got much here.
— DianaTrees
Diana, all the 3rd lines are exactly the same number of beats. Not sure how you think it's off kilter (but I appreciate the comments very much).
— Isabelle5
It isn't the count that's off, Isa. It's the rhythm.
In the first 5 beats of l3, where do you want the emphasis?
l3 to testify to
Think also about the sonics in those fist five beats: to t s t fy to --- It's a mouthful of t with an s to separate. That's what's skewing the rhythm of the line.
l7 isn't as far off. The t in the fifth beat is softened by the h. It's not a hard t.
The poem is a good one, Isa. But sonically, those two lines clink in an otherwise melodious read.
— DianaTrees
I shall consider that, Diana. Thanks.
— Isabelle5
I don't think you need "that we've" in line 8.
I really like your enjambment landing on lines 2 and 10.
I like the balanced structure--the enjambment lands in L2 of S1 and 3, the similar beginnings of each strophe, and the dashes at the end of the third line of S1 and S3.
I'd like to see you pick a different verb, rather than repeating "growing".
The rhythm in line 12 seems all but abandoned. Consider ridding this line of the gerunds:
we take of [His may be implied] bread, we share His cup.
— housepoppy
Housepoppy, I have no idea how to change this without wrecking it. I wrote it without a form in mind so if emjambment is there, it ain't intentional.
I am an instinctive poet, I don't really know forms except for sonnet abab bcbc efef gg, which I don't often utilize. I just know that if I change this, the line lengths have to change, which are what I was happy with, since they just kind of came out in one of those golden moments when there is no struggle, the words just fall into place on the page by themselves.
I'll think about it more but I don't really know what you and Diana are telling me, isn't that sad? If you told me my punctuation or spelling was off, I'd understand.
— Isabelle5
Dearth of originality or ideas, sad waste of your craft. Too easy to fit old forms with old ideas that don't go anywhere.
— unknown
That's quite subjective, based on nothing specific.
— Isabelle5
Serenity prayer, higher power, one day at a time- sound familiar, you should have just sent a greeting card or a hug would have been better. There is such a wealth of ethical, theological and even pop literature on suffering and survival from the late 20th century I am perplexed by a revival of Job's god.
True is is Just my opinion and necessarily subjective. Usually I would not be so forthcoming with it on this site but as you so often are I felt comfortable. I certainly would not have bothered if I wasn't impressed by you usual style.
I haven't rated this but if this is a 10 I am reminded of Bob Dylans words
"killed him with self confidence and poisoned him with words"
— unknown
wohoo one to go... get the candles out and ready the matches!!
— unknown
I agree with rz, this seems unfinished. No one's asking you to write a poem after you die, but speak of that - speak of what we have to look forward to AFTER we share His cup.
— Ananke
My belief is that Christans share it all now and get to know why later. We all suffer here in human form, spirits trapped in these space suits that die and age, while the spirit person remains young and learns lessons to take back when it goes.
— Isabelle5
Sure. Of course we can't fully know until the end. We can only see through a glass dimly. But the kingdom of heaven is ALSO here. We are given glimpses and revelation of our full spirit life while we are still on the earth.
— Ananke
Oh, yes, Anake, I agree. We're making it as we walk our paths.
— Isabelle5
Lovely poem, L8- I think would be better without "that"
I love your take on christianity.
— marieF
MarieF, I need 'that' so that I have 10 syl. in every 4th line.
— Isabelle5
Sorry, Isabelle, just read it again, I see what you mean.
— marieF
it sucks
— unknown
Hmmm. There is nothing new here Isabelle. Please, if you are going to write religous poetry...tell us 'your' feelings on your god. Please don't organise things into syllables and stanzas to tell us what we already have heard.
Some of your poetry is so wonderful. So raw. So honest.
— unknown
This is my view of things. Not sure what your comment is about, Unknown, as I am not preaching here, simply stating my own facts as I experience my life.
— Isabelle5
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