poetry critical

online poetry workshop



My Mother's Tears
bear

Today I made my mom cry.
 1
I did things that my Father will never forgive.
 2
I am desroying my family and my life.
 3
I cannot even write poetry about this.
 4
I do not think I ever could.
 5
 
 
My mother will cry when
 6
she sees this and my father will
 7
cuss me out and break my face.
 8

7 Aug 06

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
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Comments:

Oh shit. I really really like the poems I'm reading on poetry crit today. The last stanza is pure and bitter and perfect. Lines 3 4 and 5 are not as good as they could be. They just don't fit to me. ((8))
 — Charlie

honest and heart-felt, good effort.
 — icepineapple

i thought this was terrible. i should probably rewrite lines 3,4, and 5. thanks for reading.
 — bear

a little juvenile, yet it's unpretentious. Not very well written, but it manages to get emotions across. Full stop or comma after line 1 think. Maybe change probably to definitely in lines 6 and 8, or remove altogether to make the ending stronger.
 — unknown

made some changes, its better now.
 — bear

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