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Grandfather witnessed her freedom
unknown

Love traced her swollen cheek bone, dove
 1
kamikaze from her jaw
 2
and disappeared; an echo
 3
of knuckles and proud forearm veins.
 4
Cast in shades of light unseated
 5
a grandfather clock struck, her
 6
tether's end announced by a solitary chime.
 7
 
 
It came easy to her.
 8
His eyes, confused. Her hand trembling.
 9
tick tick tick…click
 10

A man who beats his wife (or any woman)
is no man.

7 Aug 06

Rated 9 (7.9) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9
Inactive (15): 1, 2, 3, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(6 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

The poem is beautiful but I don't like the title. I think something simpler and more potent would suit this better.

Excellent poem. ((9))
 — Charlie

a better title?
 — unknown

would change the , on L3 for a ; otherwise it's ok
 — unknown

brilliant. I know what this feels like and your words suit perfectly. like the way you added on the footnote, just to reinforce your point.
 — unknown

nice words
 — unknown

unknown, thanks to all.

If you manage to stumle upon this due to the title change - thanks charlie
 — unknown

Powerful.  
Excellent writing.
Sometimes it's very difficult to find additional words to say simply - 'love it'.  
 — CervusWright

It isn't "love" that traces the cheek bone.

All else brilliant.
 — DianaTrees

DT thanks for reading. Empathy, need, tolerance, the indescribable, all that assemble to become love is exactly what traces her cheek. Even as she knows she can not shoulder any more of the pain (and who, who has loved, hasn't experienced pain?) in her case emotional and physical, she still weeps for him.  

Thanks again for the read.
 — unknown

Boy, this is the kind of poem that leaves a lot to the imagination in a good way, unlike some that leave out important things and make you guess, not imagine.  There is such a realm of "what if's" here.  
 — Isabelle5

brilliant
 — tragicbubble

I was wondering if the title should be Grandfather witnessed Her Freedom.  I don't get the idea that it's a YOU poem but a Her, as in the wife being beaten.  
 — Isabelle5

good call, ammended accordingly - thanks.
 — unknown

This is one of the best poems I have ever read.  Keep up the good work.
 — make_a_point

Fantastically well expressed. Loved L6 and 7
 — larrylark

Isabelle, tragicbubble, make_a_point and larry - thank you all very much.  

CervusWright, Dheroan, gonewrong, tragicbubble - it's an honor to be added to your fav's - thank you.
 — unknown

Excellent poem. No crit to offer, it stands perfect as it is.
 — marieF

>

Ike Turner
 — unknown

This is a good poem, but I do have one suggestion.  line 7 might be better if it just had "its solitary chime" thus giving posession of the chime to the clock. I don't know but this seems stronger somehow. Or even cutting it short like "tether's end announced" and loeaving the rest out  See what you think I'm still not sure myself. I do like how you put struck then the comma and her on line six.  
 — Tentative

Wonderful example of fantastic enjambment! Difficult and important subject material; you handled it beautifully. thank you
 — unknown

Excellent line breaks.
Vivid detail.
Perfect ending.
 — Krttika

Tentative, I have thought about your comments on L7 - for the moment I have left it unaltered, I think sometimes it's better not to force change, it'll come to me when it's right.

Unknown – the thanks are to you! For stopping by, reading and commenting.

Krittika thank you - I know the subject is quite well done and hoped the form would be suitably different and fresh, your comments show me it is - much appreciated.
 — unknown

very good poem, the footnote is helpful
thankyou
 — underdog

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