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the doctor told me i had two weeks to live
bear

For English class
 1
she had to ask
 2
 
 
thirty people,
 3
 
 
"what would you change
 4
about your life if
 5
 
 
you were to
 6
 
 
die
 7
 
 
in two weeks.
 8
 
 
The answers
 9
were always
 10
 
 
the same:
 11
 
 
Love, money, more noble,
 12
 
 
always the same.
 13
 
 
Then she asked me
 14
and I replied,
 15
"catch up on my sleep."
 16

31 Aug 06


(define the words in this poem)
(199 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

not as profound/poetic as you think it is right now. I'd suggest revision.
 — ErinConnery

as far as what?
 — bear

"more noble" isn't grammatically correct. Try "more nobility" maybe?
 — unknown

Unknown is correct but maybe you could have the word goodness as a short word it would fit your other words
Love, money, goodness
always the same

and line 15 replied not replyed
also the last line seems to have one word too many
perhaps "catch up on sleep" as "my" is implied.
 — Tentative

Ah, what an ending
Excellent and even better on a very early Monday morning, work lurking behind my still wet hair and sleep heavy on my eyes still.
Well done even with "more noble" that did not throw me off until I read the comments.  Why do you have to have nouns only in your wish list, you can have verbs, ajdectives, comparatives ... that gives the poem its character.  
I would keep the "my" in line 16 and yes, correct the typo in line 15
I am with you on that one, all the way
Yours kindly,
Maria
 — slancho

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