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her slips
gnormal

she slipped through my fingers
 1
i thought i had her
 2
she slipped through my fingers
 3
i thought i had her
 4
she slipped through
 5
my fingers so i thought
 6
i had her
 7
she slipped though
 8
my fingers thought
 9
i had her shes
 10
lipped thro
 11
ugh my fingers
 12
i i thought i
 13
i had had her
 14
her slip in my
 15
though my fingers i
 16
though i had
 17
 
 
through my fingers i think
 18
i had her
 19
had her
 20
here
 21

still trying to make something into Something (v5)

20 Oct 03

Rated 9.5 (7.7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 7, 10
Inactive (7): 4, 6, 7, 8, 8, 9, 9

(define the words in this poem)
(181 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

sounds cool until you actually think about the words
 — unknown

this comment meant a lot. so i did a major edit.
 — gnormal

Why didn't you say so in the first place? This is an entirely different poem--altogether!!
 — unknown

gnormal-
how do you think of this stuff? its really unbelievable, your range of talent throughout your works. as usual, i am inspired, without any good criticism to offer.

-root
 — unknown

You just gotta love that first comment. Mental note: not a comment I want on my work.
 — unknown

I love the creativity of the people on this site. This is a surprise.
 — Isabelle5

this is
new this
is new

 — unknown

If nothing, it IS creative!! Extra points for that.
 — unknown

Oooh man that's so fucking dangerous. That is a dangerous piece right there. I love how you can constantly write dangerous stuff. It's the feeling of "the egg on my face" with a limited palette of words. I love how you can constantly play with words and repetition of sounds. I can feel this in my spine.

Augh, this is so physical.
 — semaj

Oooh, nice experimenting... almost seems like a classical "form poem" like a villanelle or pantoum. For help learning new forms, check out the site called "Shadow Poetry" at http://shadowpoetry.com

 — aforbing

I can almost hear this poem as a song, over some radiohead type instrumental, and please, take that as a compliment.
 — dorzia

This is amazing.  I had to read it twice to catch what you had done with this piece.  Your changes were so subtle.  There is a form of music (can't remember right now the name of it) that does something like this...repeating basic lines over and over with extremely slight changes until the end is completely different from the beginning.  The narrative here is subtile and so well written that, even with so few words, it creates a definate feeling.  very good.  No criticism.
 — akiikii

i love you g
normal.
if i were a woman i'd want to have your
babies.
if i were a baby i'd want to have your
woman.
i want to have normal babies
i want to have a normal woman
i want to have
a normal woman's babies
baby
baby me


-noodleman
 — unknown

her slips  
genius title

she slipped through my fingers  1
good
i thought i had her  2
good
she slipped through my fingers  3
good
i thought i had her  4
good
she slipped through  5
good
my fingers so i thought  6
good
i had her  7
good
she slipped though  8
good
my fingers thought  9
good
i had her shes  10
hmm okish just
lipped thro  11
very good
ugh my fingers  12
very very good good
i i thought i  13
not so good
i had had her  14
good
her slip in my  15
good
though my fingers i  16
not so good
though i had  17
okish    

through my fingers i think  18
good
i had her  19
good
had her  20
good
here  21
hmm yep yep good

shrugs.
that's what i think
i think.
 — kaleidazcope

more eyes
 — noodleman

Gee, Normal, you were even good way back when.  
 — Isabelle5

this is STUPID ~_~'
 — unknown

i like what you did here.
clever idea.
: )
 — fractalcore

This came up as random on the front page and I actually really like it...it's sad, and shows the downward mental spiral of a grieving person who lost a loved one, probably to someone else. At least that's the way I read it. Very effective.
 — mindbodysoul

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