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Running so fast
I was trying to escape
Fatigue set in
& then I got raped
Mad money was made
When the whole thing got taped
It was that night
He was concieved
And 9 months later
a Baby boy was recieved
Like a vision
That just cant be believed
Cradled in my arms
Is a constant reminder of being deceived

11 Oct 06

Rated 10 (8.5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (1): 7, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(5 more poems by this author)

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 — unknown

thanks I suck at spelling!
 — eurobaby

i before e except after c
ergo- deceive
 — unknown

Deceived, correct the spelling, please.

I am not even sure how to rate this so I won't right now.  
 — Isabelle5

too forced for me...
the rhyming scheme is off...maybe try getting rid of some needless words...I think you could also use some stronger words..and maybe the subject matter doesn't suit this rhyming style- try free verse?

without changing your words though, hows this sound?

running so fast
-trying to escape

fatigue set in
-I got raped

Mad money was made
the thing got taped

etc etc...

Holy crap Dana!
This is so sad, intense, in a really good way. I like it.  I do agree that some words could be omitted without changing the poem for a more punchy delivery, like Ronald up there ^ said, if you wanted to tighten it up.  But otherwise, this is great.  
 — jenakajoffer

Thanks for your comments every one...
What I dont understand is why people like "B" bother posting comments like they do, I wouldnt waste my time if I had something so ridiculous to say!
 — eurobaby

I agree, where's the moderator now??  C'mon Bologna, that's low even for you.
 — jenakajoffer