| .Oxymoron.
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LauraLea
| You were permanently temporary | 1 |
never meant to be, forever | 2 |
felt like good-bye from the first hello | 3 |
[but I just couldnt let go.] | 4 |
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Your worst has gotten the best of me | 5 |
weakened by your kiss full of intensity | 6 |
all these days full of nothing mean something | 7 |
[because you mean something -- to me.] | 8 |
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Its so positively confusing | 9 |
I always seem to win, at losing | 10 |
losing nothing but a wish | 11 |
[for everything I never had.] | 12 |
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And it felt like good-bye at that first hello | 13 |
now its time to let all of this nothingness go. | 14 |
time to let YOU go | 15 |
[I know...I know.] | 16 |
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Just go. | 17 |
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20 Oct 03 |
Rated 7.5 (7.7) by 6 users.
Active (6): 4, 6, 8
Inactive (16): 1, 5, 5, 6, 6, 7, 7, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(10 more poems by this author)
(8 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
i love the rhythm and ending. i think it's clever without suffering from being so.
— gnormal
I would delete all the lines in parentheses as well as line 17 and lower case 'you' in line 15. Just my opinion. I think it is clever too.
— unknown
Just to see how your suggestions compare...however, Im keeping line 17 here.
thanks for the suggestion, I'll see how this sits with me.
LauraLea
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You were permanently temporary
never meant to be, forever
felt like good-bye from the first hello
Your worst has gotten the best of me
weakened by your kiss full of intensity
all these days full of nothing mean something
Its so positively confusing
I always seem to win, at losing
losing nothing but a wish
You felt just like good-bye at that first hello
and its time to let all of this nothingness go.
time to let you go, I know...
Just go.
— LauraLea
phonetic wunderbar oreo! very goodness and berry goodness and hairy goosneck!
— onklcrispy
i like this one~ :)
— 8Gj00
This must have been fun to write. Bravo! L11 seems week. Not a fan of [ ... ], they always seem to disrupt the flow.
— boothben
LauraLea - I was really tired last night and didn't sign my name...sorry, that second comment was mine. I read it without the parentheses and liked it better and seeing it written out without them, I still like it better. Line 4 is already assumed in the first stanza, line 8 reiterates line 7 as does line 12 with line 11. I agree now with keeping line 17 though. This is really well done. -Sam
— unknown
Well done. I like the way you put this together and I really like the title, too.
— Isabelle5
It might just be me, but I take lines in bracket as a whispering effect, and it adds to the pathos of the poem. I think when you got rid of the lines in brackets, the poem lost something.
— quiddity
This is clever, but you could capitolize by making a wider poem in which not ever line contains an oxymoron. That would permit the reader the freedom to miss one or two in each reading. That sort of amiguity is Robert Frost's thing, so maybe you could check him for ideas.
-zep
— zepplin42
i like the brackets, it gives a sense of an aside conversation to the audience. i would love to see this poem in a longer format, as well. it seems to leave me wanting more! (great title, too!)
— essenie
love, love, love this!!!!
— unknown
sorry, I meant to rate it but I wasnt signed in!
once more - I LOVE IT!
— Corinna
I meant capitalize.
— zepplin42
Better with the changes suggested by the first unknown, but still overrated. Nothing original here. (With all due respect to you, LauraLee--I like your writing.)
— unknown
oops! LauraLea. Sorry! :)
— unknown
sounds like a song to me - what does everyone else think?
when i read it, it just flows like lyrics do.
I think its incredibly simple yet smart, too.
that last line knocks it out of the ballpark!
well done LauraLea!
— AdamsAunt
The entire poem looks to be a lift from "That Which is Not". Line two could be IN that poem. Not intentional, I am sure, but I see it. Just thought I'd point that out...
— unknown
What poem are you talking about?
— unknown
Number 14 in top rated
— unknown
Now number 16...and dropping...
— unknown
line 9: how about: "It's so positively negative"?
— aforbing
LauraLea, i like the poem. And i know other people said to just take the lines out with the parenthesis, but i like them. Just take the parentheses off and keep the sentences maybe. Love your work!
— unknown
L10 was by far my favorite!! A very complete profound work here. You've done it again, LauraLea.
— 8star83
I think that it adds a lot to the poem with the parentheses.. it kinda emphasizes what i think you were trying to say with it... but i love the poem with or without... GREAT JOB
— unknown
kick ass.......one of the best ive seen yet
— unknown
good.
i love oxymorons. they can be so much fun, you know.
the rhyme scheme is strong but doesn't feel too forced, which is nice.
in this one, i think of the brackets almost as a thought process type of thing, which adds something, for me.
— unknown
Aw, I love it. I know the feeling all too well...*high five*
— Adrielle
i hate you
— unknown
that's ok - jealousy is healthy, oh ALMIGHTY one. ;)
— LauraLea
.10.
— brevity
this is really nice! :-D
— picklypickle
Aww... I came back to reading this and I love it still so much. This is one of the first poems I ever read on this site. Maybe not the first, but one of the earlier ones. This is so good. My favorite "Lauralea" poem.
— Jsmiles05
one of few that rhymes well. i think its the subtlety of the rhynme scheme. it doesnt jump out and say "look i rhyme!!! RAWR!!!" like most poorly-written rhyming poetry does. its interesting though... i like the brackets, i use them myself, as well as parentheses and quotes. when used correctly, it can add to the flow of the poem. this is one that uses them correctly. i think its all in opinion whether or not they should be there. god writing.
— AEOS
i need a love 10 line peom and a 10 oxymoron send to reya_ofthe_dawn@hotmail.com send today please
— unknown
Cool Loooovvveeeee iiiiitttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks 4 your time!
~Courtney
— unknown
good!!
— unknown
that was great!!!! i loked it alot.
— unknown
it was good. full of emotion, i think u have alot of talent lauralea. i read this poem 2 my friends, they liked it 2.
— unknown
When I first heard of taking the lines with the brackets out I thought "Nooo, they are good, they're PART of it." I read it without, and think it's still really good, but maybe just take them out of the brackets and have them be regular lines in the poem? I'm sure people will still understand, since the last lines of every stanza still would apply to the title.
I do like the odd puncuation though, it does add an interesting effect. It works either way.
— erielle
where are you, LauraLea?
Come back and post more poetry
— unknown
awww...
I'm here, just had to get a new "name" because the old one suddenly stopped accepting my password. Frustrating! So, in my new profile page, I had to list all the "LauraLea" poems as my favorites. Hope everyone here understands that this is NOT to say I am my own favorite poet here! I just wanted to keep my "stuff" together somehow, and the owner of this site would not answer any of my emails asking for password help.
Anyway, thanks for missing me! :)
I'm back!
— LauraLea2
wow i love this. your a 34 yrd old teacher and you like punk rock/emo! i want you as a teacher!
— DiVeRiGhTiN
poop
— unknown
thats SO cooL! howd u come up with that?
— unknown
I really like this poem :) I think that the lines in parenthesis are weaker that the rest of the poem, but without them there seems to be something missing (especially from the second stanza)... Possibly too many repetitions of the word 'go' towards the end :P
— unknown
How creative!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Wow!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Do you write this kind of poetry often?
— unknown
I liked the first one better!!!
— unknown
The first verse is good, but it somehow seems to go downhill from there.
— stateofmind
cool
— unknown
this is great
— unknown
I like this! i like the way it is written but does seem to whine alittle and repeat itself but i did enjoy it! lol.
— kimado
you know what..i dont care how many negative comments or suggestions this poem gets..i love it because its very creative and relative to alot of people. great job and keep writing. not many people can write great poems like this so i give you major props for putting yourslef out there and being really good at it.
— unknown
HAHHAHAHHA I've pulled better poetry out of my ass you faggot!! fgfhfghgertgxzdiufgbdsif is what I think of your poem.
— unknown
A Monkey Throw Poop in my face
— unknown
My best friend's mom writes better poetry than that while she's sucking my dick.... it also feels better than when i get his sister to do it.
— unknown
A Monkey Throw Poop in my face
Sinserly Ben
— unknown
HAHHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA if you ppl wanna see some REAL poetry go here www.darkpoetry.com
— unknown
ur mom was great last night....she is awsome at sucking my cock
>--Poppinz-->
— unknown
hahaha u are gay u ass fucker
— unknown
laige want amy to give him a blowjob...true story
>---Poppinz--->>
— unknown
i like this peom
— unknown
wow that is seriously cool r u a famous poet or sumimt
— unknown
AMAZING
— unknown
thats a great peom i love it
— unknown
where are the oxymorons???
— unknown
amaz ing skillz you have mytoad could write better poetry while sleeping sighned horny toad
— unknown
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