poetry critical

online poetry workshop

ashes of a phoenix.

so i suppose i
should believe
that there is life after death,
that we are not
entirely mortal,
that in themselves our souls
hold something essential,
something unique and mythological:
you are gone
like the ashes of a phoenix that say
not everything is reincarnated
because left behind in birth
is dust and earth
and the memory of death, the time that
it took to digest the loss, regret
the circumstance,
recognize the happenstance
where we would
have been
to prevent this whole accident
from happening again.

23 Oct 06

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(77 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


the resignation and its sound is incredible.
my favourite lines are 12 and 13.

yes, we seem to be on the same plane of not much imagery, but more metaphor and darker spaces within... wouldn't you say?

 — unknown

try earth instead of dirt. or did you already?

 — unknown

then dust would be wind... henh...
 — unknown

where is midare?
 — varun

midare is, as line 9 of this poem suggests, gone to College, being busy with chemistry labs, swimming practice and too many obligations in beautiful Pennsylvania ... "gone, daddy, gone"
I will try to track him down for you, Varun
 — slancho

Hmm, just a comment on the poem:

I am not sure what "(not) entirely mortal" would mean in line 5 (as in half-way, partially, but then there is death), "entirely" here being too weak for what you are trying to say, I would either do away with it or change the word.  Something essential is good (being here you are touching upon the word essense which is an important one in metaphysical writings).  I am not sure I like the "unique" bit as much, unique making me think of singular, as in non-universal, as in special (forgive the analogies, I am writing myself) and mythological (as in mythology-cal) is an interesting choice.  You are here implying (logos) reference to language and being spoken/written which goes well with "essential" but I am still not sure about "unique" to be honest.  I would think perhaps divine vs mythical might work better as an originary dichotomy.  

and then line 9 - BAM!!!!  well done

The second long stanza reads almost like a song ... the occasional 2X2 rhyme, there is something very melodious about it and perhaps appropriately so when we speak about the course/span of time between life and deat
"this WHOLE accident" is somehow too conversational, I am not crazy about "whole" here ... and it veers into distraction as well.

Good work, I like the way you slap around your reader a bit
 — slancho

This is beautiful.
 — wendz

This is incridible
 — Phoenix567