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thank you, thoreau
ilikeblue

I walked into the woods
 1
(for I wanted to live deliberately)
 2
where an old friend stood expectantly,
 3
waiting for me, just as I had left him.
 4
 
 
Although he stood up straight,
 5
it wasn't from too much pride,
 6
and although his face was blank,
 7
it wasn't from lack of emotion.
 8
 
 
He stretched out his arms down to me,
 9
and I gratefully climbed into them,
 10
resting my head on his solid brown chest.
 11
 
 
The world quieted itself and said in hushed tones,
 12
"shhh...baby's sleeping..."
 13
and as I closed my eyes, all was quiet
 14
with the exception of the winds whispering
 15
and the trees bowing to one another
 16
and murmuring
 17
                      "namaste."
 18

26 Oct 06

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Comments:

What does "Namaste" mean again? Also, this is good. I started to read Walden, so I have somewhat of an idea what feeling you are going for here. You have the perpetuality of nature vs. the ever changing human "false" world and the peace or "silence" (what you used) winning in the end of the poem. Line 13 is a bit of turnabout though, one which I don't get, but I assume the idea is that human's are naive to how to deal with their environments because of being caught in the shallow layer of materialism and want as opposed to needs and true knowledge.  Honeslty, I don't have any corrections for you, and you were gramatically correct, which I truly appreciate and don't see to often on this website.  My only concern is the basis of a poem on an author and then relying on knowledge of the author to back up the poem. Literally you've done nothing wrong, but perhaps there is the possibility of adding more to this poem allowing accesibility for all readers, and then for the readers more knowledgable of your, I hesitate to say, deeper subject by the use of more specific allusions, metaphors, etc . . .I'm not well versed in Thoreau, however, so I wouldn't know where to tell you to start in that sense, but just an idea. Good work.
 — Notecompsure

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