poetry critical

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Roller coaster of life
MaryH

My life is a roller coaster
 1
full of ups and downs.
 2
How could it change so quickly
 3
from smiles into frowns.
 4
 
 
It definitely has its moments
 5
for laughing and for crying.
 6
And, it also has it times
 7
for resting and for trying.
 8
 
 
The Lord has helped me through my times
 9
whether thick or thin.
 10
And, has put an end to troubles
 11
as soon as they begin.
 12

26 Oct 06

Rated 6 (6) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (0): 6

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Comments:

line 7, has it's times. Not terribly original, but at least there was a point at the end, and it was well written. I doubt many will bother to read it with a cliched title like that, then again it does fit the poem well.
 — icepineapple

sorry thats its for line 7.
 — icepineapple

Thank you for your comments, I appreciate them.
 — MaryH

A little too 'hallmark' for my likings, but whatever.  I won't rate it, but is there perhaps a more original, fresh way you could express the same sentiments?  Something specific and personal?  I don't know, I think the world has enough poems like this...using words like 'thick and thin'.
 — marshponds

Cliché, hallmark, or lifetime.  I'm uncertain whether it's simply my mood that's causing me to find this so poor, but I am regardless.  The poem doesn't really progress in anything more than in something suitable to relaying messages of half-hearted wisdom about life and how it is over a radio talk show.  I agree with icepineapple- the poem was structured in a careful manner, even if it seems forced and bland in relation to emotion or honesty.  But, I'm leaning with marshponds' comment.  I won't rate this.
 — cualquier

lifetime indeed.


The trouble with your poetry is that it's way too obvious. Your sentiments are real, granted, but the way you express them is more than cliche and trite. Find another way. I will not rate, but if I did, it would be low.
 — vienta

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