| Stealing October
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Isabelle5
| He took October with him, | 1 |
his pockets crammed | 2 |
with the scent of fallen leaves, | 3 |
the sound of crows, | 4 |
foggy mornings that turned crisp and blue- | 5 |
and his apple-flavored lips. | 6 |
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He took it back to his ex and | 7 |
his sons, (who put small arms | 8 |
around his neck and | 9 |
whispered, “We love you – | 10 |
and Mommy.”) Magic words | 11 |
that stole his heart from my | 12 |
fragile grasp. | 13 |
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I watch from outside | 14 |
their newly re-formed circle, | 15 |
cramming my fist against | 16 |
my lips, tasting tears and | 17 |
falling, like the leaves | 18 |
he used to blow into piles, | 19 |
his uniform crisp and blue. | 20 |
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31 Oct 06 |
Rated 8 (7.3) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (3): 5, 6, 6, 10, 10
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Comments:
I love the first strophe. Tis all good (I just don't like 'ex' used in poetry but that's just me).
me
— unknown
I don't much like the ex in real life! Who would guess that after 7 years, she would call him back?
— Isabelle5
I don't like 'ex' either. I also don't like that you're a home-wrecker. very sad.
— unknown
A home-wrecker? They had been apart long before I met him!!! He had even lived with someone else! I respect his choice now but I sure didn't wreck their home!
— Isabelle5
Well then I'm sorry. The way it reads, makes it look like you are a home-wrecker. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
— unknown
It's okay, it does sound that way from the poem, I see. He was with me for 4 years. They don't even love each other, just want to do it "for the kids." Mistake, I think, but it's their business and I'm out of it. Whew, life is full of surprises, which is why most of us should be toothless!
— Isabelle5
I like the flow and feel of this poem. Makes you remember that love can be fleeting - even after an extended period of time. My sympathies for what you've been through.
— mustangchik
Great poem of despair but your often on a wing and a prayer with a family man
Larry 2.4 children Lark
— larrylark
ouch. crisp and blue are definately the right words. i'm sorry things went this way for you. but you made it into something beautifully stark, if it's any consolation at all. the first stanza is my favorite.
— SteelAngel
L3's "scent" inspired a clever idea in me. Due to "pockets" in L2, perhaps "scent" could be "cents?" Just me being silly - but a fun idea.
L6's image is well done. I'm sitting here, licking my lips, smiling at the taste of apple.
L13 - wish I had an image descibing your gentle graps. Perhaps a parallel to his sons' small hands.
L17 - "tasting tears" is good, but I also thought "spoiled apples" or something, on account of the reference above; coupled with the tears image could be very strong.
A gorgeous write - the trees dying, this relationship dying - all very appropriate and well drawn.
— WordsAndMe
PS: Though you are by no means a homewrecker - the homewrecker vibe lying between the lines here adds another layer to the text that is deliciously devious in a beautifully sad way.
— WordsAndMe
spectacular!
— OwlGirl
Thank you, poet friends, for all the kind comments on this.
— Isabelle5
please don't change this. i complement how it doesn't boast unnecessary words. the tone itself is pretty humble. reading it feels comfortable. it is a bit atmospheric, but not in excess. and the title is good closing.
— listen
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