poetry critical

online poetry workshop



hello buddha
OKcomputer

quiet now my handheld faith, the dead
 1
are ringing their bells. beneath your happy bottom
 2
my eyeless grandmother
 3
is reaching her cold blue hand in the dark
 4
patting the walls and wondering where
 5
she is. it might take a while but i think
 6
she will turn into a flower.
 7

1 Nov 06

Rated 10 (7.2) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9, 10
Inactive (22): 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(88 more poems by this author)

(12 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

I love it!
 — Artemis

yes this is very good
 — alana

neat ending
 — unknown

I like this, from start to finish. Excellent.
 — wanderlusted

Lovely.
 — JustineCH

i wished you had specified a specific flower like a lotus
as it also infers a seated position
the i think is also a little distracting

i like your poem
i'm jealous of your opening sentance
 — bettalpha

Quote:
i wished you had specified a specific flower like a lotus
as it also infers a seated position
the i think is also a little distracting

Since one trys to absent thinking about mundane things while meditating
I THINK the I THINK is appropriate!
 — unknown

it is your right to exclaim whatever exclamatory exclaimings you think

of course if meditating is implicit why mention it all

thank you for your THINKINGS out loud
 — bettalpha

;) ilove you guysss
 — OKcomputer

ps bettalpha that wasnt me, i value your input.
 — OKcomputer

only two things stood out sorely, which hand and what flower.
the idea of this poem is awesome.
i would say 'nice poem', but i've already said 'awesome'.
pretty cool poem i say.
 — varun

is reaching 'one of' her cold blue hands in the dark?

into 'some kind of' flower?
 — varun

does it matter which hand or which flower?
well done
maria
 — slancho

okc if that had been you i would have eaten my rupert the bear plaid shorts
i kinda associate you with more wit. still love that opening line
 — unknown

(-_-)
  
 — unknown

Great title - wonderful poem.
 — dia

i like how the beginning of the poem can be considered either a command or a description.  
 — danika

cool. i'd like it more if you took out "it might take a while but i think" in line 6.
 — HandsomeHerb

wut? this doesn't make any sense is this poetry?
 — Trudy

dear motherfucker,

yes, this is poetry. if it is not, correct me with facts.

love,
drunk
 — OKcomputer

Nice.  This is a well thought out peice.
 — boromir4121

i really love this poem. your poetry in general reminds me of art museums and sterile places; it's nice to read poetry that actually creates an atmosphere.
 — rosemary

good poem
 — wayoutwalt

conjring images conjured.
i like betta's idea of a specific flower, but i also dig the general term flower.

it paints a beautiful sad picture. the best kind.

love.
 — onklcrispy

I am often guilty of using too many descriptors.  Those who say this of me would say this of this.  To hell with them.  But seriously, you could do with cold or blue, even I don't think you need both.
 — unknown

p.s.: I like flower more than I would like a specific.  Any specific is going to gum up my thinking with "I wonder what the significance of (daisy) is."
 — unknown

this one deserves a ten just for 'quiet now my handheld faith'. beautiful. I may go into why I love this more later, or I may not, I haven't decided. but thanks for this.
 — theair

i thought lotus 'flower' because of the cross-legged position of buddha not daisies or tulips. on reflection any elaborate yoga position name would be good. flower oR not.

betty
 — unknown

v nice poem

wakeewookoo
 — unknown

wondeful.
 — ribcages

messed up :(
 — unknown

very elegant piece. and there is no need for change or alteration. so this is just what i hear  

ring their bells (i'd ditch ringing)
reaches her cold blue hand

and i might ditch the 'the' before walls. now this is just my 2cents of course. but i would bust her out of the coffin into something more infinite. but your way is lovely.

wonderful piece.
thank you
ilene
 — ilenelush

aw gorgeous - beautiful
 — philoanon

hello, buddah,
hello muddah...
here i am at,
camp garuda.
 — joey

here i am stuck with stunted growth.
infinitely stubborn i'll always be, i've
always been, i always aOm. the flower
will turn black and lie flat on my baldness
so you won't need to buy sunscreen or
Kurt Cobain bubbleshades.

those are very lovely dreds, Bob!
: )
 — fractalcore

This is very beautiful and perfect as it is.
 — smugzy

Hello Jesus.
 — wasp

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