poetry critical

online poetry workshop



finding the words
davidm

its not that my poems will seduce you
 1
or that a late night sonnet
 2
will steal your heart
 3
it is simply that one must start somewhere
 4
so
 5
if a few well chosen words will lead you
 6
closer to my life
 7
then
 8
I will wake each morning with words
 9
that try to rhyme
 10
from dreams of glorious  stanzas waiting to be heard
 11
 
 
with all this mighty purpose
 12
I have searched for words,
 13
have scissored fashion magazines
 14
and book reviews
 15
taken entire phrases from
 16
the glossy pages and
 17
rearranged magnetic letters on
 18
refrigerator doors
 19
I know the words I need are out there
 20
somewhere, even here on this page.
 21
you might just see
 22
what eludes me.
 23

26 Oct 03

Rated 6 (7.1) by 2 users.
Active (2): 6
Inactive (14): 2, 4, 4, 5, 6, 6, 6, 8, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(5 more poems by this author)

(8 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Cool, especially the second stanza
 — unknown

Another Monday treat! This is exactly what I feel sometimes. Perfect.
 — Isabelle5

Excellent.
 — Jsmiles05

I love the line " I know the words I need are out there" It sums up the whole meaning of the poem, searching for them and everything. Nice job.
 — Jsmiles05

This is beautfiul. Lines 6-9 are so true. I like how you made us picture cutting words and phrases from magazines and arranging refrigerator magnets. Line 20 is very powerful and I agree that it does nicely tie together the whole poem.
 — Hquartz

what a powerful piece. how wonderful to be seduced by a poem.
 — unknown

What a great poem! This is a 10!  I know what you mean by magnetic letters - i have them myself.
 — unknown

hmm... kind of creepy

i also think it needs to be condensed
 — Ananke

cool yet somehow pointless, i leave bored
 — unknown

"if a few well chosen words will lead you closer to my life..."  WOW!  Isn't that why we write love poems.  Simplistic but effective.  
 — fredlocks2k

This is a fucking God. This is a fucking God!!
 — generalized

I want to give you some usefull feedback, because I don't believe people should post their poems here if they are just looking for an ego boost, not that I'm saying you are.  First I truly enjoy this poem, I think it would bennefit from better line breaks.  First change, I would break in the first stanza line 9 after morning, then in the last line of the first stanza I would break after stanzas so that the last line of the first stanza would read, "waiting to be heard".  I don't think starting and ending lines wtih "the" or"and" is very effective, with few exceptions.  You started the fourth line of the second stanza with"and".  Perhaps if you if you took out the have at the beginning of that line and added the adn book reviews to the line it would work better.  In Line 6 of the second stanza you started with "the" and ended with "and".  If you take down the "from" from the line before it, and actually you could take out that "the" altogether and leave the "and" out of the end it would greatly improve that part, so it would read "taken entire phrases/ from glassy pages/ rearranged doors"
 — Himalia

I am trying to find the words to describe my contempt for self referential poetry. Another poem about writing a poem, great, I'm back in eight grade. I will say this is well written, but than again, recipies can be well written.
 — unknown

Sorry I wanted to make sure this would post before I went on much further, this is my first time using this forum.  I will continue.  I just want to say this before I do.  I don't want you to think that because I'm giving you so much critique that I hate this poem, because it's just the opposite. I wouldn't be waisting my time if I thought this poem didn't deserve it.  O.K. now in the first stanza I think you should take out "so" and "then".  the poem doesn't need these are like little speed bumbs and they ruin the flow of the poem.  Lastly I would take out the period at the end of the poem.  It seems strange that you did not use puncuation, except for the very necessary comma's, throughout the entire poem and then decided to toss a few period's in at the end.  I believe in consistancy with puncuation, either use it thoughout the poem or leave it out all together.  Overall I think you are a very talented poet and I can't wait to read more of your work.  I know these suggestions may seem minor, but I believe little things make a huge difference in poetry.
 — Himalia

Each poem, a varnished picture, shining where
The brush dips into a painted soul
To add unbroken life’s trouble and care.
Upon the rhymesters short, tinted scroll.
So each vista is as a silent prayer
To help those among us who need to be consoled.

What words are out there are at best just words. Stringing them together is an art. “ Words are the sole temple of my art ”  Elzie
 — Elzie

This poem is warm, but I can see how hot it could be with just a little work.
 — unknown

i think its left without an end.
 — TrueToIt

This says everything I would have liked to say, if only I had thought of it. ;-)

But you thought of it first. Love this poem
 — FataMorgana

0.235s