poetry critical

online poetry workshop

driving with lorentz

i felt the overwhelming urge to KILL
so gram and i jumped into the car
wasting gas to waste time
the wind whistled through my open window
and sang in melodies with the ticks of the speedometer
but as we careened through quiet streets
my grandmother
kept her eyes fixed on the clock
and repeated in whispers
          “slow down,
                  slow down.”

8 Nov 06

Rated 5 (8) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (0): 8, 8

(define the words in this poem)
(12 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


This is so true to life, I enjoyed this ride.
 — tanamac

obviously i did not express the meaning of the poem well enough.
i will take time for revision; thank you for your comments, and please revisit this poem at a later date!
 — ilikeblue

I like the structure.
L3 Gram should be capitalized.
 — FolleRouge

clever stuff. Wasn't sure where it was going till I got to the end, but it really said something then. Pretty original, whci is always good. Simplicity worked here for you.
 — bleach

changes made, hopefully this explains my idea better?
 — ilikeblue

think I liked it better before, not sure exactly what you changed, but I know you changed the ending a bit and it doesn't have as much impact now.
 — bleach

actually i just changed L6 and the title...not good though?
 — ilikeblue