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driving with lorentz
ilikeblue

i felt the overwhelming urge to KILL
 1
(time)
 2
 
 
so gram and i jumped into the car
 3
wasting gas to waste time
 4
the wind whistled through my open window
 5
and sang in melodies with the ticks of the speedometer
 6
         “faster!
 7
              faster!”
 8
 
 
but as we careened through quiet streets
 9
my grandmother
 10
kept her eyes fixed on the clock
 11
and repeated in whispers
 12
          “slow down,
 13
                  slow down.”
 14

8 Nov 06

Rated 5 (8) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (0): 8, 8

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Comments:

This is so true to life, I enjoyed this ride.
 — tanamac

obviously i did not express the meaning of the poem well enough.
i will take time for revision; thank you for your comments, and please revisit this poem at a later date!
 — ilikeblue

I like the structure.
L3 Gram should be capitalized.
 — FolleRouge

clever stuff. Wasn't sure where it was going till I got to the end, but it really said something then. Pretty original, whci is always good. Simplicity worked here for you.
 — bleach

changes made, hopefully this explains my idea better?
 — ilikeblue

think I liked it better before, not sure exactly what you changed, but I know you changed the ending a bit and it doesn't have as much impact now.
 — bleach

actually i just changed L6 and the title...not good though?
 — ilikeblue

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