| New York Minute
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trochee
| My observance of the paintings was only pretending | 1 |
it was you in the face of my eyes | 2 |
Very soon you will | 3 |
conform | 4 |
Hope... | 5 |
is the bidding gift bestowed as per the norm. | 6 |
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Your capricornian gaze staring at my nervous hands | 7 |
eyeing my locket and the veer in my watch | 8 |
As long as you keep an | 9 |
eye on me | 10 |
Poems... | 11 |
are all I'd tire my ink with and my evening tea. | 12 |
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Let me wring these moments to their numbness | 13 |
stir your curves in the present inst | 14 |
Cause brows will raise | 15 |
post the formal ring | 16 |
Home... | 17 |
is all that I wish for you besides everything. | 18 |
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11.04.2006
03:37 am |
8 Nov 06 |
Rated 10 (7.6) by 4 users.
Active (4): 10, 10
Inactive (7): 1, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(68 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
HAHAHAHAHA i jus remebered 'a dedication to Trochee'
— trochee
WTF? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU ?? ..
— trochee
HAHAH .. try it now.. i changed my password
This site is not safe.
— trochee
what hapenned trochee??
— unknown
Someone hacked my password ... i changed it.. thank god my poems are safe...
— trochee
This is nice...sensual sounding
— MaryH
Did you know, dear trochee that your title is the same
as a Mary-Kate and Ashley flick?
THAT, is pretty funny.
This poem is alright, but I stumbled on certain areas throughout.
L7: staring my nervous hands? I don't get it. "staring at nervous hands", better.
But I love the capricorn thing and lines that follow to 12.
L15, 16 just confuse to me, and the end is lovely.
Anyway, good job.
Jen
— jenakajoffer
well lines 15 and 16 :
since she will be married soon ... and if i touch her after the formal ring (marriage) people would question.
— trochee
This was pretty darn good, except I think it because weaker in the last stanza. The lines seemed less coherent to me. I'm probably just misreading it though. And, you keep change in a watch? I've not seen a watch like that. Good work.
— MrChris
thx maryH, jenakajoffer, MrChris
made some changes in the last stanza.. i hope u like it now.
— trochee
And i didnt knew a movie with that name starring Mary-Kate and Ashley
I thought New York Minute means 'Blink'.
— trochee
This is so cute. I really like the title too. I think you can cut the date and the time from footnote.
— unknown
nice changes trochee,
I didn't mean to offend with the movie ref, i was just buggin' you.
=-)
Jen
— jenakajoffer
I know that jenny. I havent seen the movie though.
— trochee
haha... hmmmm .. thats has raised my eyebrows... :-o
— timsworld
hmm that means you understood the poem well!
thanks for reading.
— trochee
last two lines=incredible.
wow
— themolly
This one's not for me Trochee, I'm afraid I'm becoming rather a fan of poetry that says something immediate to me, and I can't get any concrete images from this really. That's probably more my problem than yours.
The ellipses don't work for me, perhaps it would be better to seperate those three lines so they stand alone? They certainly stand alone as being the three best of the poem.
Hope you're well mate,
x
— musicwords
Disturbing
— unknown
Sadly enough, I immediately thought of MK&Ashley as soon as I saw this poem. God.
P.S. I enjoyed this.
— Kassidy
<3
— shizzay
How did a load of rubbish like this get the top rated, have you got extra accounts too
— unknown
What’s it like living in Flatbush, you must feel at home there.
— unknown
hmm now that should relieve you a little.
— trochee
I read this poem eons ago, but didn't comment. This poem is filled with unattached adjectives and phrases. It's discordent and hard to follow. Not worth reading a third time. ~Henry 6/10
— Poe
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