|Circles (ever dying)
Sea bells ring, the dawns not ready
To signal shapes from shadows fell.
The sacred source of ravens blood;
Gulls left crying, feeding, sighing.
New waves are ever churning steady;
Old sounds are new, each time to swell.
Tell fire gavels: the chance is good
A new beast brooding, laying, dying.
10 Nov 06
Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (3): 8, 10, 10
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Very epic, I like that style. And the listing gives it good rythem.
Line six seems a bit trippy.
Thank you, it was done out of experimentation. What does trippy mean, to me it conotates psychedelic aspects. If so, I don't see it. If you meant trippy as in tripping over, I don't read that either. Either way I appreciate your kindness.
I have to read this one when I'm in my deep train of thought--this is so I can understand it. But it was well worth the effort. You are a skilled poet. Musicwords? Isabelle5? NetskyIAm? WordsAndMe? Trochee? Whomever you are---marvelous work. 9/10
Thank you Henry, I Mattpat wrote it...hense the comment I left to Seniorsin. Most apreciated.
you'll be in trouble twice as deep
if you ride a bicycle.
those "G-Dm'd" cycles, yeah.
I really like the imagery of this poem, it's very ominous and dark. The first half is perfect for me, but the second half doesn't fit quite right, in my opinion. I would drop "are" in L5 and "A" in L8 to make the meter match L1&8 respectively. L7 trips me up, the way I want to stress the words slows down the rhythm that builds to that point. Plus, I don't think I see the metaphor in this line particularly.
good constructive poem