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Circles (ever dying)
MattPat

Sea bells ring, the dawns not ready
 1
To signal shapes from shadows fell.
 2
The sacred source of ravens blood;
 3
Gulls left crying, feeding, sighing.
 4
New waves are ever churning steady;
 5
Old sounds are new, each time to swell.  
 6
Tell fire gavels: the chance is good
 7
A new beast brooding, laying, dying.
 8

10 Nov 06

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (3): 8, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

Very epic, I like that style. And the listing gives it good rythem.
Line six seems a bit trippy.
 — SenorSin

Thank you, it was done out of experimentation. What does trippy mean, to me it conotates psychedelic aspects. If so, I don't see it. If you meant trippy as in tripping over, I don't read that either. Either way I appreciate your kindness.  
 — MattPat

I have to read this one when I'm in my deep train of thought--this is so I can understand it. But it was well worth the effort. You are a skilled poet. Musicwords? Isabelle5? NetskyIAm? WordsAndMe? Trochee? Whomever you are---marvelous work. 9/10
 — Henry

Thank you Henry, I Mattpat wrote it...hense the comment I left to Seniorsin. Most apreciated.
 — MattPat

7
 — unknown

you'll be in trouble twice as deep
if you ride a bicycle.

those "G-Dm'd" cycles, yeah.
: )
 — fractalcore

I really like the imagery of this poem, it's very ominous and dark. The first half is perfect for me, but the second half doesn't fit quite right, in my opinion. I would drop "are" in L5 and "A" in L8 to make the meter match L1&8 respectively. L7 trips me up, the way I want to stress the words slows down the rhythm that builds to that point. Plus, I don't think I see the metaphor in this line particularly.
 — Semmetrik

good constructive poem
 — lucion

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