we met on the internet
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unknown
| the young woman and i | 1 |
played scrabble | 2 |
in a cafe | 3 |
on the campus | 4 |
of a small college | 5 |
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neither of us | 6 |
had put down a letter | 7 |
for some time | 8 |
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our chins | 9 |
were on the table | 10 |
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i reached my hand | 11 |
towards her face | 12 |
and tucked her hair | 13 |
behind her ears | 14 |
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the clock said eight pm | 15 |
i had a three hour drive home | 16 |
and a five am roll call | 17 |
at the factory | 18 |
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i hate sundays | 19 |
she said | 20 |
in a pouty voice | 21 |
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i plucked her glasses | 22 |
from the top of her head | 23 |
and put them on | 24 |
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you look like a | 25 |
venus fly trap | 26 |
through these things | 27 |
i joked | 28 |
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i thought | 29 |
i was your lilac | 30 |
she said | 31 |
in that voice | 32 |
that always quivered my spine | 33 |
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i stretched | 34 |
and looked out the window | 35 |
at the falling leaves | 36 |
and the darkness | 37 |
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i flipped | 38 |
my cell phone | 39 |
open | 40 |
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mr stevens | 41 |
this is justin | 42 |
i've been fighting this flu all weekend | 43 |
and its just getting worse | 44 |
i don't think i'm going to make it | 45 |
tomorrow | 46 |
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you'll be the death of me | 47 |
i said | 48 |
and chased her out the door | 49 |
pinching her butt | 50 |
all the way to the dorm | 51 |
| 14 Nov 06 |
Rated 9.5 (7.7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 6, 9 Inactive (11): 1, 1, 6, 7, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10 (define the words in this poem)
(2 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Add A Comment:
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Comments:
L33's "quivered" is awkward.
L38 is confusing.
A fabulous write - makes me happy to be in college :) — WordsAndMe
This is "best" worthy. Back for my second read. Still love it and am truly impressed with your work, author. — WordsAndMe
Words,
Thanks for reading.
Justin. — fdostoev
this was a pleasing read. — wayoutwalt
not bad,
not bad at all. — unknown
i want to comment on this later... — balancing
that's one bruised butt she's going to have.
the parts that were good were intimate believablish. the parts that weren't were a sitcom that has to fill a full twenty minute slot and is struggling for material.
i liked the chins on the table.
22 to 28 has a good tearing tone the lilac riposte not.
in summary the blokes voice and actions were well enough drawn the woman's not.
she felt like a 2d fembot. i hoped she'd explode.
betty — unknown
teasing — unknown
i like. — peacetonight
I like poetry with more poetic device than mere line breaks. I did find this to be an interesting narrative, but short on making me care about the girl. I can't see her. — unknown
nice — unknown
Sexy!
would that be a severely unpoetic comment? — roy_p
Greatly amusing .Liked a lot especially the way you finished it off.
Larry — larrylark
Oh I liked this. It's just so sweet. I love the bit about the glasses and venus fly trap: that element is just so cool. I also very much adore the second last stanza; bless the sickies! — wendz
favorite worthy! — unknown
very nice.
: ) — fractalcore
i think the last stanza is extremely corny, cheesy and very unlike you. — Rixes
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