|quiet poem out of my nap
|a poem about life on my mind when i woke|
my heart is pounding
in my chest
1 Nov 03
Rated 8.5 (7) by 2 users.
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So pleased? This slows the flow. Shouldn't it read 'so please' ?
no. if it were 'so please' there's be nothing poetic left. the 'so please' is already there, as is, in shadow, which of course you saw.
On reading this again, I actually think I see what your'e getting at.
I love the way the "don't stop" is beating. Nice touch. Now I can't stop hearing my own in my head...
good job. simple. to the point. and flows very nicely. the beating is audible.
and you ought to know. thank you!
i would also like to take this opportunity to advertise the more recent 'meteors storm' an altogether different and better poem.
I can relate to this poem. I think death is inbetween the lines of this poem or I could be VERY off track with what I think it's about. But I like how it's suttle. It keeps the readers guessin. I liked it.
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