poetry critical

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quiet poem out of my nap

a poem about life on my mind when i woke

my heart is pounding
      in my chest
so pleased...
      don't stop
      don't stop
      don't stop

1 Nov 03

Rated 8.5 (7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 7
Inactive (4): 6, 6, 7, 8, 10

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 — unknown

So pleased? This slows the flow. Shouldn't it read 'so please' ?
 — Kardiac8

no. if it were 'so please' there's be nothing poetic left. the 'so please' is already there, as is, in shadow, which of course you saw.
 — gnormal

 — Kardiac8

On reading this again, I actually think I see what your'e getting at.
 — Kardiac8

I love the way the "don't stop" is beating. Nice touch. Now I can't stop hearing my own in my head...
 — Isabelle5

good job. simple. to the point. and flows very nicely. the beating is audible.
 — beatbitch

and you ought to know. thank you!

i would also like to take this opportunity to advertise the more recent 'meteors storm' an altogether different and better poem.
 — gnormal

 — watever

I can relate to this poem. I think death is inbetween the lines of this poem or I could be VERY off track with what I think it's about. But I like how it's suttle. It keeps the readers guessin. I liked it.
 — dismantleme

 — unknown


or don't.
: )
 — fractalcore