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before i ever wrote shitty poems.
fdostoev

i was
 1
a young bank examiner
 2
drunk beyond repair
 3
in downtown chicago.
 4
 
 
i'm going to the ghetto,
 5
i said
 6
in a cavalier tone
 7
to the other
 8
drunk examiners
 9
at the rush street bar.
 10
 
 
i stumbled north
 11
where the broken pavement
 12
reeked
 13
of open sewers and
 14
the homeless
 15
were putting down for the night
 16
in bus stops and
 17
alleys.
 18
 
 
the street vendor
 19
sold me a fifth
 20
of whiskey and
 21
let me piss
 22
behind his car,
 23
 
 
don't get lost
 24
around here,
 25
he called after me.
 26
 
 
a shattered
 27
black woman
 28
sat on the steps
 29
of a rotting
 30
apartment
 31
building,
 32
 
 
she
 33
nodded,
 34
 
 
i
 35
nodded
 36
back.
 37
 
 
sexes?
 38
she whispered
 39
and patted the space
 40
beside her.
 41
 
 
i
 42
sat.
 43
 
 
she
 44
put her arm
 45
over
 46
my shoulders.
 47
 
 
for twenty dollars
 48
we could go
 49
upstairs
 50
and i could do
 51
whatever.
 52
 
 
all i wanted
 53
was to talk
 54
for a bit
 55
and
 56
get to know
 57
her view
 58
of the world.
 59
 
 
she looked at me
 60
like i'd just
 61
shit in her lap
 62
and said
 63
if we wasn't gonna fuck
 64
get the hell on cause
 65
she had mouths
 66
to feed.
 67

3 Dec 06

Rated 10 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 3
Inactive (26): 1, 1, 1, 1, 6, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

excellent work
 — unknown

thanks for reading.

justin.
 — fdostoev

Depressing as hell.

But right on the money with what a lot of people are going through.

Well done, Justin.
-MEB
 — unknown

Stupid. Just like that stupid piece of shit Donald Tetto.
 — unknown

not bad,

but the ending is a bit dense.

I think you can trim it.
 — unknown

not bad,

but the ending is a bit dense.

I think you can trim it.

9, ten if you shore up the ending.
 — unknown

I don't live in this world, but oh my this was stark and shivered my spine.  You sir are a poet of high regard.

Jen.
 — unknown

hey!
thats great
sharp and honest
 — danni

very awesome!
 — mister9a

A bleak view. But totally convincing. Well done.
 — smugzy

I love the Ending! It's perfect.
 — FolleRouge

This is wonderful, the lonliness is felt wholly.  The ending I agree is perfect.
 — unknown

if this were displayed horizontally, it would be seen as far less. the trick behind most of your poems is the surprising last line and the more innocent lines that trap the reader's expectations.
 — unknown

Into the heart of darkness Mr. Kurtz.
 — stephenwbd

very good stuff, i like the secretary thing.  got me thinking.  i might do one like this straight away.
 — mmoneypenny

excellent poem
 — Food4DSoul

Aw, I liked the first other title better.  stilll amazing.
 — MEB

whats the big deal???  your game and tactics are up
 — unknown

dark
 — ProzacNation

This is so rugged but it just flows like paint right down the page.  I can picture this entire scene.
 — Isabelle5

Justin!  You really have some depth and diversity in your poems, have to give you that.  

Imc
 — Isabelle5

it's another great poem
 — kendell

very bukowski - nice.  but one question: why "sexes" in line 38?
 — guy_fawkes

guy,

thanks for reading.

"sexes" is what she said.  i think she was sudanese and her english wasn't all that great.

justin.
 — unknown

Awesome slice of truth from da street.  Excellent!  :-)  
 — starr

p.s.  I hope that lasagna doesn't still taste like soap.  :-O
 — starr

Very sharp, tense and uncomfortable.  Well, well done.
 — sybarite

very powerful.
 — dismantleme

This would make an interesting short film, and it makes an excellent write.
 — Lochsawl

This resembles an attempt at literature more than it does a poem.
 — Fox

Not all poems can be literature fox,
but all literature can be poems
 — unknown

Absolutely amazing.
 — andyleggett

i love this
 — itisawyatt

bukowski
 — Patch

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