poetry critical

online poetry workshop

On strength

Walks in the room &
she lays, in blankets
brightening layers. She
tries to sleep, cries quietly.
Eyes gushing
sulfur, silver, sodium
She turns and tosses,
my hands in my head
grasping my hair, the air.
I watch her, have grown eyes
in the back of my head for 'er.
Have de-constructed myself for the pleasure
of strangers so that I may finally feel
the very depths of her sadness
Requests I cover... layer her once more
Cocoon her completely.
Face buried in a thousand Mahogany sheets
I slit my head open and look for some sense
of compassion
The apathy has taken such a hold of me,
I am desperate for some sense of relativity
I want to breathe her divine air and let it stream
through me
How can I...
How can I word this for you?
I envy her universal concern,
her perpetual forgiveness.
Offer her no comfort, I love her
vigorously. Would grind up the
shreds of stamina in me.
I bet you she'll breathe flowers
on her death bed, I bet.
She falls asleep, finally
I pick the melancholy off
my eyelids, sit beside her & turn to stone.

17 Dec 06

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (0): 8

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i dont know why but there is a sence of morbidity covered in poperi in theis piece

if so i give it an 8

if not i would give it a 6, but since you made me think anyway, ill give it an 8
 — kronah_kcmg

When critiquing poetry it's essential that you think.
 — InCongruity

I like it, reconsider the last line, it isn't strong enough for a poem that is on strength.
 — InCongruity

were you implying that I don't think, how observant.
 — kronah_kcmg

I think you implied it
 — InCongruity