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The Tortured Soul of an Artist
bear

That's a joke,
 1
these smug
 2
people think
 3
that they are
 4
the only ones
 5
who have ever
 6
felt pain and
 7
cannot deal with it.
 8
 
 
Well, every single
 9
person that is
 10
an adult living
 11
on this planet
 12
has a tortured soul.
 13
 
 
It comes with
 14
the agreement
 15
you made with
 16
mother and father
 17
before popping out.
 18

18 Dec 06

Rated 3 (4) by 1 users.
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Comments:

Like the ending, but the whole poem is simply TELLING me something I alreay knew.  I was quite bored by the end, to tell you the truth.
 — WordsAndMe

hmm point well taken
 — bear

first of all, the title was enough to make me turn away and find another poem to comment, but I decided to read anyway. then I read and realised you were in fact stating the opposite, so i was intrigued.

but as words and me said, there is nothing here that is presenting something new. It is just a statement up until the last stanza, where something interesting is said.
It is simply telling us something. This could be very good, if serious revision was done in my opinion.
 — Esoteric

thanks maybe i will just scrap it and try and rewrite it. i agree it is a good idea at its core just the way it is written is trite and cliche.
 — bear

I agree with Mr. Words-and-Me.
 — IamDave

me too
 — bear

Might be interesting to focus more on the tortured soul of the person listening to the artist complain.

Spend some description on "these smug people" to add some imagery and interest.

Second stanza is a big generalization. Better to somehow say "you're not the only one" without declaring everyone tortured. My soul is sometimes poked and proded, but it is not in a permanent state of torture.

Third stanza doesn't work for me. I made no agreement with my parents. Had I been consultated I would've given someone cuts and waited for the next bus to existance.
 — rocket

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