poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Finally See
indefined

two fingers
 1
three years
 2
and a thousandunmeantwords
 3
we still know nothing of each
 4
other.
 5
 
 
widthwise cut and a line
 6
of the rubiest scarlet
 7
jays flying through space, above the
 8
rainbows and the
 9
clouds and the
 10
hundred little airplanes
 11
 
 
of man that fly,
 12
oh so high like you and
 13
i
 14
and never
 15
 
 
ever
 16
 
 
again.
 17

27 Dec 06

Rated 10 (9.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
Inactive (4): 6, 8, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

wooh, very nice flight off the page. my mind turned upwards with "rubiest scarlet jays..." very wonderful. all of it works very well for me... the "thousandunmeantwords" is so fine, making us read "we still know..." slowly and deliberately. i can't see anything here that should be changed... cracking 'thousandun..." back into toy blocks, just because some blockhead never learnt to read and understand that writing is a transcription of the spoken. always.

you know that people are going to want you to change this into sesame street. what can you do?
 — mikebauer

I especially like the spacing at the end of the poem. Slowing the tempo down was effective for me.
 — art_n_ash

this already reads like miss piggy on downers, i think sesame street is where you learned to read and write
 — unknown

this already reads like miss piggy on downers, i think sesame street is where you learned to read and write
— unknown

unknowns again. you notice that they think a review is like a movie blurb saying whether you would like this movie? the unknown can't comment on what he can't say, and he hasn't learnt to say anything about how a poem is written because, why? no one ever broached the idea to him that a poem wasn't a baseball score. the score's the game only to the bases, each one remembering when it got stepped on. unknowns can't understand complicated writing. what good are they? they always say the same things about everything. "piggy on downers" is what, beer head brilliant? or are you drinking draino again.
 — mikebauer

jes another cutter and their thousand unmenat words.
the words you chose to mean are so old...
 — unknown

I am curious why you chose this format to write your poem.  
 — Isabelle5

a "thousandunmeantwords", i'm going to sing it over and over like a song i just heard on the radio. it's beautiful. all of it.

i appreciate the spacing of the last three lines - it's concise, yet leaves infinite possibilities.
 — jezkuh

like fine brush strokes, or a blowjob for the tongue (cueing up to join the beer-brained, it's Halloween)

cummings was my introduction to the dandy lounge of poetry.  i hate it when people use his style, because no one's good at it.

you are.
 — aurelius

look at what i've finally seen.
: )
 — fractalcore

an imagist crystal resonating with feelings that fly then fall into that human drama that we've all been left behind before -- well risked poem and I can finally see it
 — AlchemiA

this reminds me of something

not sure why
 — unknown

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