poetry critical

online poetry workshop


stress the wee details    all hours mapping skin
    fingers mouths warm hands stop time
  momentous spasms     finish in relief

30 Dec 06

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (1): 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(45 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

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I think in your effort to wite a poem without joining words you fail to make your poem flow.
 — marieF

why not "finish in sin"? smile. the ending is like you bent your arm down and hid the poem from us. its awkward, when the rest is so open. and maybe this is an "ironic" ending, where paradox is made into dessert? irony is kind of cheap, i think, cause everyone uses it now and you can pick it up off any sidewalk.
 — mikebauer

people have to read the poem as a flow. it's up to us to train our ear and our consciousness to understand that everything in the universe is disconnected until we make it whole.
 — mikebauer

good point, thanks
 — marieF

because Mike... an orgasm finishes in relief whether it was sinful or not
 — unknown

oh, i know, and i get the image and the metaphor and the metro of it. but the sound and how it felt as a poem is what this is about. everyone's said this kind of thing before... it's better to say it in a way that grabs the reader. this ending doesn't.
 — mikebauer

There are actually supposed to be 5 poems here, mikebauer.
And I think you've perhaps missed some of the possible points that are being made.
Thanks for taking a look, though.
 — unknown

 — chuckles

it worked!
 — chuckles

 — unknown


X being 10.

and faved.

this guy still has a huge
collection left for us to
nibble on.

d*m* ewe, chuck.
show yourself.

; )
 — fractalcore

I see this more as a poetic riddle. A challenge to understand and connect the dots. Is this about tatooing? even if I'm wrong I like it. A 10 in my view
 — BxPR