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The Dandelion Man
topop

he stammered aloud that the oil in the leaves of dandelions had powers as he was slowing finishing off its stem.
 1
 
 
i sat pretending to read the tree beside him, or something,
 2
as he intermittently swapped his chewing with 7-11 lemon aid.
 3
mega size. two straws.
 4
 
 
I thought of the word juxtaposition.
 5
 
 
following, he plopped himself directly on the ground
 6
as if falling from the sky
 7
and in the petite meadow of dandelions, tall reflections of the sun, green leaves proudly surrounding,
 8
he plucked away, one by one,
 9
 
 
and, with the utmost daintiness, laid each stem and flower in a tattered ziplock bag and promptly folded the bag and placed it in the breast pocket of his plaid shirt, mended at each elbow.
 10
 
 
and he approached me, recognizing my observance of his most peculiar behavior. reaching to his pocket, he brought forth the 'lions, and silently placed them in my lap, bag and all. and with the most honest smile, broad and warm from his old lips, he quickly glanced into my eyes, and smiled again.
 11
 
 
satisfied. he walked away.
 12

11 Jan 07


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Comments:

daintiness--excellent.
 — ErinConnery

Consider using more direct language and omitting minor details:

he stammered aloud "the oil of dandelion leaves has power"
as he finished a stem

Another example:
...and folded the bag into the breast pocket...

The extra words detract from the images and pace of the narrative.

Consider introducing the setting in the first stanza (you sitting in a meadow of dandelions). Then introduce the man, for a better progression.

Stanzas 4 and 7 confused me on the first read, because in stanza 4 I thought he sat next to you, then in 7 he is approaching.

Good imagery and description, nice poem.
 — rocket

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