poetry critical

online poetry workshop


foreign fingers
sneak through
cashmere folds;
scale laddered
ribs to sunspots.

entitled tourists often misbehave

26 Jan 07

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
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I want these naughty fingers to belong to someone.
His, Her, My
Don't know why I just do.
And naughty is unsettling.  But that's interestingly effective.
 — tillmorgan

nice poem.
could do with a better title maybe.
 — varun

possibly, 'while you sleep', in keeping with the tense of the piece?
even 'as you sleep'.
 — varun

nicely done.
 — varun

in continuous, i think, it's losing a bit.
might you consider all in past?
 — varun

a wandering tourist looking for sun filled spots.
 — unknown

but a tourist has permission- however obnoxious he may be
I like detour better
 — tillmorgan

very cool. i think you should keep.
 — varun

sunspots has many meanings here i presume

skin lesions
warm terrain
 — unknown

some tourists are obnoxious and do whatever they want for self serving ends
 — unknown

yes,you are right- unknown.  I hadn't thought of that.
 — tillmorgan

it is not uncommon for a dumb tourist to feel entitled to deliberately misbehave
 — unknown

how about 'trek'?
 — varun

yea could work. i think tourist subjectively spills enough twists.
 — unknown

tourist gives me a bad impression of the other.
or perhaps, that's intended...
 — varun

lol yea  i dont like purity
 — unknown

good one. deed done then.
 — varun

tense works too, then.
 — varun

everything's zen
 — unknown

:) ha. nice footer.
 — varun

and here i was wondering what i should wear...
 — unknown

whens the orgy people?

packed and ready to ho
 — unknown

 — unknown