poetry critical

online poetry workshop

i wanted to capture beauty

i wanted to capture beauty
as if it were honey
sickle spilling over the bridges of the trees
splashing and spickling into the the cool rivers below
so that i could drink the waters - sweet.
i knew that it only came for a minute
- the feeling -
as i press each key on the board down hard
impressing the poetry, which they call it,  into my mind
i wanted it to look as intoxicating as the swirling of the rose
red with edges wilting
as to exasperate the petals
in their intricate maze whose center reveals true love
but love is found only by those who get there without destroying the petals
who reach it by swimming between.
my parents opened the door
broke the electricity bounding the room
which is where i am now - loose - you too.

27 Jan 07

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title misspelled ...
 — slancho

the comparison between the rose and love was good, it didnt feel cliched at all.
 — crismonblue