poetry critical

online poetry workshop



as of yesterday.
midare

girl i know says she hasn't seen
 1
so much or known
 2
so much or told
 3
 
 
so many stories; yet in her words i hold
 4
remnants and tiny pieces and fragments
 5
of what life would be like
 6
if distance were irrelevant
 7
and my dreams were consistent
 8
with the air i breathe
 9
each time i awaken.
 10
 
 
thankfully,
 11
she's living, reminding me again
 12
of my most vibrant moments
 13
as she paraphrases eloquent stanzas
 14
with sibilant motion
 15
and beautiful noise.
 16

for jennifer.

27 Mar 07

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Comments:

pieces
consistent
consistent
pieces
 — unknown

er. thanks, unknown.
 — midare

hooray comments.
personally i think this poem is awesome.
 — midare

this, this poem is awesome.
i could have sworn i had nothing to say after the first read except that.
and after so much more reading, i agree with myself.
this is a beautiful dedication, midare.

peace.
 — varun

and yes, have a better day...
 — varun

awesome
L4,5 i think needing some more attention.
in her words i hold (strange)
remnants and tiny pieces and fragments (your roast is well-done. i ordered rare.)
nice words
 — unknown

the line-breaks of the first three lines is incredible.

6-8 are exquisite. i want them.
 — varun

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