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particle physics
sparrow

If only I could reach back
 1
to the starting point
 2
of my universe
 3
t=0,
 4
 
 
unravel
 5
my
 6
string-theories piece
 7
by
 8
piece,
 9
 
 
reach to the roots of
 10
things as they do in
 11
particle physics,
 12
 
 
maybe then I could find the reason
 13
why I've come across a black hole
 14
right in the milkiest part of my
 15
heart-galaxy,
 16
 
 
too small to be seen by another and
 17
too big to evaporate in a split
 18
second yet slowly,
 19
slowly devouring
 20
 
 
the warmest part of me.
 21

5 Apr 07

Rated 10 (9) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (3): 7, 8, 10

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Comments:

i always like particle metaphors :)

not too bad either - you did well to weave the themes together

-Mong-
 — Mongrol

hmmm
not einsteinynuff4moi
here are my completely rude-in-the-name-of-changing-your-poem-so-it-looks-the-way-i-want -it-to suggestions:

if i could only reach
through the cosmic
microwave background
to the origin of my universe
t=0

unravel
my
string-theories piece
by
piece

reach to the mesons
of things

maybe then i could know
The Reasons

too molecular to be seen
too macroid to evaporate in a sp-
lit second yet slowly, slowly devouring

all my will to love.

that was fun, thanks!
WHEEEEEE!
 — chuckles

thanks for your comments Mong and chuckles!

well chuckles, I like some of you ideas, but I think I'll use a couple, make it a bit more einsteiny;-)
 — sparrow

I love science poems.  I don't like the last line.  It's already obviously a sort of love poem and I think it would be better to just end with "devouring."
 — abby

stanza 2, awesome. L15-16, very enjoyable. overall i really liked it
 — sunshinesgf

excellent!
 — changeling

thanks so much for your comments everyone!

abby, I don't like the last line either, I must say. I just thought I should put it in there... I think I'll have to come up w/ sth else though, since it doesn't really match to the feel of the poem.

thanks again!
 — sparrow

well, L 21 to "a part of me", I think the rhythm of it is a bit better and it matches to the "particle" aspect... but maybe a slight variation would be better?
 — sparrow

yes, i want more of this kind of stuff.
: )
 — fractalcore

Thanks so much for your comment fractalcore!
 — sparrow

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