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Moon In Aries
starr

Burn hard,
 1
bright one;
 2
 
 
Burn for what makes humanity
 3
do wicked things.
 4
 
 
Bring back
 5
the morning star
 6
after it's over
 7
and turn,
 8
angry planet-
 9
 
 
Turn.
 10

18 Apr 07

Rated 9 (8.5) by 4 users.
Active (4): 9, 9, 9
Inactive (23): 1, 3, 6, 6, 7, 7, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

Very well written.  If only it were as easy to explain as the change of stars.  Thank you for this.
 — Isabelle5

Thank you, Isabelle.  Yes.  If only it WERE as easy, huh?  God Bless you.  :-)
 — starr

This is good:  graceful but gritty.  You've struck a beautiful balance here.  I only wish you'd never been given the reason to write it.
 — lzug

What a sweet compliment Izug.  Thank you so much.  I wish I didn't have a reason to write it either.  Very, very sad.  :-(
 — starr

You make the art seem effortless sometimes, my friend.
 — DrakeScott

THanks, DrakeScott!  I don't know 'bout that...I just put on paper what's in my mind's eye and try to paint it with language.  No secret to that, buddy.
 — starr

Really nice.  Respectful, solemn tone.  Dramatic in all the right ways.  
One suggestion for consideration- consolidate line 6 to "do wicked things." Maybe the other words are unnecessary to get the job done?  Or maybe not.  Just a consideration.
Thanks for this poem.
 — unknown

Oh, and also- love the title.
 — unknown

Suggestion implemented.  Thanks to the last "unknown" for commenting and for givin' props to this poem.  I appreciate it.  :-)  Love, Starr
 — starr

I like the premise behind this one - Shakespeare and other renaissance and jacobean dramatists would put down disasters such as this one to freak alliances of the planets or weather conditions - a kind of pathetic fallacy I suppose - it is a way of rationalising such terrible things . I like the way the poem places these events within such a context - it provides a moving dignity.
 — opal

I really love this poem. One suggestion, however. L4: Instead of sadness, substitute with sorrow. It just seems to fit better to me, don't change it unless it does to you, as well.
 — ashley87

Thanks, Opal and Ashley for your very sweet comments.  :-)  Yet another very tragic day in modern American history, sadly.  :-(  Ashley, thank you.  I replaced the sadness with sorrow.  The latter has a softer sound about it.  Thanks again, girlz!  Peaceout.  Love, Starr
 — starr

The moon in aries is portrayed well here; war, energy.
I am not familiar with the massacre, I don't watch the news, I don't read the paper, I don't drink coffee...
It is a very good poem, regardless if one is knowledgable on the subject.  
my only thought:
"watch over this night,
plagued with sorrow".
(I am bothered by "which" sometimes, what do you think?).

nice to read your poem,
Jen-
 — jenakajoffer

Jen!  ThankYOU!  I got rid of the "which is" in L4 and went with "plagued with sorrow."  It's so cool that you're up on the lunar phases too!  Kinda makes me wonder what sign the moon was passing through for the Columbine High School Massacre.  Be interesting 2 find out.  Thanks again for the editorial assist (once again.)  :-)  Love always, Starr
 — starr

I want to say it's beautiful but that feels wrong given the subject. All I can say is that I am glad there are people like you in the world who care enough to write a poem like this.
As a poem, brilliant.
 — angrychick

...and Angrychick, I am glad that there are people in this world like you who are "nice."  Thanks again 4 the sweet props to this poem, however tragic the subject matter is.  Love, Starr  :-)
 — starr

Apposite work, Starr.  I love how this poem burns an image into my mind and unleashes some interesting colors (charred cherry).
 — magnet

Thanks, Magnet.  :-)  Charred cherry, huh?  Nice.
 — starr

this handles an emotional matter with grace and care. marvelous work.
i'm especially fond of the last few lines. they'll stick with me for a while yet
to come.

thank you for this.
midare
 — midare

I like this, but for some reason the capitalization feels awkward.
line3 for example, a capital usually doesn't come after a dash. Humanity doesn't need a capital either, but if those kinds of capitals are going to be kept, then line11's angry planet should be as well. Those sort of things.

Once again, I did enjoy this. Emotion was captured without it seeming too abstract.
 — Virgil

Thanks, Virgil.  :-)  I readjusted the seemingly random capital letters and I think it should flow a little better.  Thanks 4 stoppin' by.  Peaceout.  Starr
 — starr

You did a wonderful job expressing this sorrow. I especially like the layout and the soft, calm rhythm. Beautiful poem.
the ending is perfect as well.
 — sparrow

I am astonished at what you have accomplished with so few words. This is one of the most concise powerful poem on this site. To me the references to Virginia Tech are wholly unnecessary. It loses nothing without them.
Well done.
 — mitchl

Oh, you changed it. It's definitely softer now, but what made it so good to me was the way the "soft" imagry met with "hard" words.  And the way you had "hard" words experssing "soft" imagry (by hard, I mean words w/ consonants).  I mean, you had an almost perfect balance, it was truly beautiful.  With the changes, I think the poem lost that, which is too bad.  Also, is it my imagination or didn't the beginnig used to be "Burn hard, bright one."  Why'd you lose the "hard?" -- I loved that.  It's more poetic now -- and obviously, still very good -- but to me it was more powerful in its original form.
 — lzug

Sparrow, Mitchl and Izug...thankYOU guyz, SO MUCH!  God Bless you!  Izug, I put back the "hard" in L1 btw.  You were right.  Love, Starr
 — starr

What a total load of crap
Take the title, what nonsense. ”Moon in Aries”
Aries.-The Ram. The first, of the zodiacal constellations, which the Sun enters on March the 21st.

What a load of poetic rubbish.. Anything seems to pass as poetry nowadays

Mor
 — Mor

not bad.  overdramatic breaks, however. more form than substance.

i am afraid i must critique outside the confines of the subject, and just as a poet.
 — jumpoline

I don't see how the breaks are overdramatic.  I wasn't jumping around the room and screaming when I wrote it.  I'm curious as to what you mean, Jumpoline.  Can you explain this for me?  Thanks.  :-)  Starr
 — starr

WOW. this sounds like some new-age chant or affirmation. gross. reminds me of art college.
 — OKcomputer

It ain't new age.  It's called empathy.  It might also be sympathy for all the asswipes in this world that suck and for all the good people that have to be at their ruthless fuckin' mercy.  Okay...I'm done.
 — starr

I may be wrong here Starr, but I think from memory that the moon actually doesn't pass over the constellation:  Aries. I think it goes close to it, but it doesn't go through it. They needed some constellation to fill the gap, and Aries was closest. Ophiuchus (I'm not going to bother checking the spelling) is actually a constellation that the moon passes through on the ecliptic, but it's omitted...I think because it's so close to the constellations on either side of it. And plus, Ophiuchus doesn't have that ring to it. I never thought it was fair that Aries was included, but oh well. And plus, for those that play Sims, Aries are always the meanest Sims. They have the lowest level of niceness. It's probably because they're disgrunted because the sun doesn't pass through their constellation. It'd get me angry too! 8/10
 — Henry

Thanks, Henry, but I don't think you're understanding what I'm saying.  Every month, the moon passes through every zodiac sign.  It's a fact.  I happened to write this poem while the moon was in Aries when the massacre at VT took place.  :-)
 — starr

The sign of Aries is ruled by the planet Mars in case anyone was wondering (including Mor) what the reference to the "angry planet" is in this poem (L11).  Anyone who has even a basic knowledge of astrology might already know this.  For those who don't, I'm happy to have enlightened you with this information.  When the moon (emotions) passes through the sign of Aries, it then takes on the Aries influence as well thus affecting people's moods/actions accordingly.
 — starr

Additionally, last time I checked, the sun is the "brightest star" in the universe.  Hence, "the morning star" in L8.  I think everyone who commented on this poem aside from Mor and Jumpoline know this too.  Just clarifying.
 — starr

i suggest rethinking the necessity of the stanza breaks.
 — aerol

The necessity for stanza breaks re-thunk.  Thanks, Aerol.
 — starr

The Sun is only one of a hundred billion stars, and is not even the brightest of the categorised stars, there many stars, which are deemed brighter than the sun.

The sun is merely a G2 star, an ordinary star by all standards.

And it does not appear to move. So how could it disappear, unless you consider yourself the central point of focus?

Apparently, you are the only one on the site that does not know this.

Maybe you are confusing yourself with Invictus and the cult of Sol.

Moon madness must surely apply in your case.

What a poetic insult to those who were massacred.

Total drivel.

You play on emotions like a ten-dollar whore.

Mor.
 — Mor

Jealousy jealousy, oops Mor, you have it all
 — unknown

The sun is nowhere near being the brightest star in the universe. Not even close. It IS however the brightest star to us here on earth. But this is only because it is the star closest to our planet. If we were to have Sirius as a sun and a center of our solar system, then our new sun I believe would be even brighter.
 — Henry

From the perspective of the viewers here on Earth - the sun is the single most brightest object in the sky - during that day that is :)

as it falls into the catagory of a star then the point of it being the brightest star on view to us is correct.

As for the sun not appearing to move... well ... what can you say to that ? again from the perspective of a viewer on the Earth .. you make up your own mind about that one...

the moon has often been poetically likened to a lamp - lamps burn - light is emitted - the poetic license is satisfied

-Mong-
 — Mongrol

Mor knows a lot about $10 whores, doesn't he?
 — unknown

So do fireflies, but one could never say poetically or other wise that their arses were on fire.

Mor.
 — Mor

Why does EVERYTHING always come down to ass or penis for some people????  
 — unknown

I don't really know much about astrology so I guess I may have missed the point if I hadn't read your thread; but I like it- Its a neat idea, and i'm always impressed by how you write.
 — mr_e

mr_e:  Thanks so much for that awesome compliment.  :-)  Peace.  Starr
 — starr

Poem Make Benefit Glorious Nation Of Awkward Poem To Criticize
 — InfaFred

I finally stumbled upon this story, Starr.  I was getting my hair done, it took hours of foils to restore my highlights, so I read magazines.
I was suffocating tears.

Wonderful poem.  
It's a beautiful thing how you think and feel for so many people in this world.
 — jenakajoffer

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...Thanks, Jen.  :-)  Love, Starr
 — starr

Starr,
Shockingly, I don't believe I ever posted a comment on this poem - quite possibly because I don't have anything to add. I like it just as is, and think you have captured a horrible chapter in history poignantly and without all the righteous hand-wringing. This one's a keeper.
 — DrakeScott

Thanks, DrakeScott for the awesome props to my "Moon In Aries."  May the victims and their families find comfort one day despite this tragedy.  :-)  Love, Starr
 — starr

any poem with aries in the title sucks, just a fact of life.
 — unknown

LMAO!  You're not kiddin'!!!  I went with an Aries for 8 years...the worst 8 years of my life!  You made my day with this!  :-)  Starr
 — starr

my new favorite!
 — luvscost

Thanks, Luvscost for the favorites add!  Appreciate it!  Starr  :-)
 — starr

wow..

i really love the ending.
 — themolly

Thanks, "TheMolly!"  I'm happy with this poem's ending too.  Love, Starr :-)
 — starr

starr is a sappy priss!!!
 — unknown

Keep talkin' dunce.
 — starr

You write well.
 — FinalGordon

The number one top rated poem? Good grief, it's not that good. Just a nice average poem. Get a grip people. Can't you find a better poem than this on PC? Maybe it is the gay vote. Starr for president, again, good grief.
 — unknown

Some one is playing games here, this load of rubbish have should died a death by now, it seems some insider is manipulating the ratings.
 — unknown

Jealousy:  (noun) resentment against another's success or advantage.
(Burn for what makes humanity do (and say) wicked things.)  Thanks, everyone else, who has helped bring this poem to #1.  I appreciate your support and feedback.  Love, Starr (for President.)
 — starr

i like it all except i scowled at the word "one" in L2.  ha only british ppl seem to be able to pull off that usage of the word w/o it just being distracting
 — stilltime

Burn hard, bright one.  That's you, Starr.  Love this poem!
 — unknown

yep, me too.
howdy neighbour!
 — jenakajoffer

well, for a minute we were neighbours.
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

wow!  powerful and a very nice triubte, starr
 — unknown

This is a great format and style for expressing what happened... I like this one a lot.
 — aforbing

Thanks, aforbing 4 the sweet compliments!  Love, Starr
 — unknown

Thanks also to "stilltime" for the comment.  I'm not British, but I LOVE Kate Bush!  Take care.  Love, Starr
 — starr

'Jealousy:  (noun) resentment against another's success or advantage.
(Burn for what makes humanity do (and say) wicked things.)  Thanks, everyone else, who has helped bring this poem to #1.  I appreciate your support and feedback.  Love, Starr (for President.)
— starr'

You see the people who are truely trying to help you, you care not for their help. This poem is not very good, I am being truthful. Do you think the others are helping you by lying to your face about the merits of this poem? It just is ordinary. You will never grow until you realize this fact. It will stunt your growth if you puff you self up because of what this crowd of 12 year olds think.
 — unknown

You're right.  This poem reached #w Top Rated and stayed Top Rated for a month because it's not very good.  Then it came back for a second time and reached #1 Top Rated and still huhng on for another month Top Rated because it's not very good.  Half the people who commented on this poem know nothing of astrology and it showed in their commentaries as well.  Thanks for your anonymous (as expected) feedback.
 — starr

As for my growth, I take all kinds of constructive criticism here and make adjustments to many of my works posted.  It's the blatantly rude, destructive criticism I ignore.  But, I do see what you're saying and appreciate that very much, so as not to sound like I'm being an asshole, because that's just not a quality I am representative of.  Thanks.  :-)
 — starr

beautiful
 — Sushiking

i do like this poem, and it deserves all the coments it is getting, although 75% of them are yours.
 — joshcoops

Thanks, Joshcoops.  Glad u like it and only 58% of the comments are mine.  Not 75.  
 — starr

"Burn hard, ... turn" ... you've captured the 'angry planet' without intellectualizing 'nor demonizing... Pathos!!! wow, this is a bright Star, starr
 — AlchemiA

A decent poem on a difficult subject, but not even close to tops on the site.
 — poetbill

Thank you, Alchemia for that beautiful comment and Poetbill, thank you too.  I don't think, though, that it can get any closer to "tops on the site."  This makes its second visit to Top Rated #1.  Thanks, everyone for liking it and putting it there.  The moon's in Sagitarrius today (my sign) which makes for an especially happy and poetic lunar phase!  :-)  
 — starr

It seems a little melodramatic, more so than what I've already read by you. I guess, though, the tone is due to its dedication (I don't say subject, since, honestly, until the footnote I wasn't picking up that vibe).

The punctuation of the first stanza confuses me. Or maybe it's just the dash/hyphen. Why? Burn hard, bright one. Does that not warrant a full stop, a period? Or, is the dash replacing a semicolon?
 — Rixes

Rixes, thank you.  :-)  I reworked the punctuation.  
 — starr

Eh.
Comme-ci, comme ca.
 — unknown

Mamakoosaaaaaaaaa!
 — unknown

http://www.yo utube.com/watch?v=vTdC11JaO9A

I just saw this on YouTube and it reminded me of this poem ;p
 — Virgil

You know I very much like this piece...except the dedication puts me off. This poem seems to stand for many things, rather than a single event- and i guess thats where the title comes in- but I guess to many that kind of simplification doesn't really work against the reality of what your speaking for. Its too light and fluffy, like a poodle or something.

But that ending just knocks me out...or turns me on...its like you force us to move along with you, its impressive.
 — DeformedLion

Thank you, DeformedLion.  :-)  I removed the dedication per your comment(s.)
 — starr

...well its prob. a bit late now.
 — DeformedLion

It is stronger without the dedication
 — poetbill

Thanks Poetbill.  And Deformedlion, it's never too late.  :-)  Shine on, brothas.
 — starr

awnome
 — unknown

iv'e read about two of your poems, and i believe you have just become my favorite writer on this site. This one is truly perfect.
 — crazy

Crazy, thank you for the fantastic compliment!  I'm honored that you hold me in such high esteem!  Glad you like my writing style and thanks 4 stoppin' by and checkin' my shit out.  Peace.  :-)
 — starr

wow, this is nice. I know it's old, but it showed up as my random front page poem.

caught my eye, 'cause I'm an Aries, but I'm so meek and mild, I could never play an Aries on TV.

This actually creeps me the fuck out. But that's a good thing. Also, it's very pretty.

cheers.
 — Ananke

Thanks, Ananke!  I can see the creep factor in this too.  It was written on the day of the Virginia Polytech. Massacre and the moon was in Aries on that day.  Aries is a fire sign (like mine.  Sagitarrius.)  There ARE quieter Arians out there.  Every sign depends wholly upon the rising and moon signs as well.  :-)
 — starr

p.s., Ananke, the sign of Aries is ruled by the planet Mars, which is where the "angry" reference comes in.  Mars is known as the Angry Planet.  :-)
 — starr

do know that about mars. Makes a lot more sense now that I know when it was written.

Still can one be an Aries and display NONE of the normal Aries features? Because I think I'm defective.
 — Ananke

Well, Anake, meet a defective Taurus!  haha  The only Taurean thing about me is that I can be stubborn!  
 — Isabelle5

I'm a Sagitarrian, Gemini Rising, Scorpio Moon.  Imagine all the arrows flying around, the indecision AND the hyper sensitivity.  God...I'm a MESS!  Too many voices AND choices all in one body!  :-O
 — starr

I'm left wanting more! This poem could benefit from expansion.  Give this "bright one" more commands - "burn hard" and the such are so interesting, I want to know what else you'll command s/he/it to do!
The alliteration throughout is truly effective - while I somtimes find "B" alliteration a bit abrasive, it works here - especially in context!  My major suggestion is to rethink the dash in L9.  It is the only one in the entire text and seems a little haphazard and as though you just threw it in there, with little thought to the result.  I suggest dropping the comma from L8, ending L9 in a comma and then injecting the power of L10.
-Thoughts, from a Leo.
 — WordsAndMe

the 'morning star' is lucifer. how are the mighty fallen -- but, in the eddas and homahs, ares is the savior of the world -- the one who fights the 'proud and arrogant' one.
 — trashpoodle

me: cancer, with ares rising.
 — trashpoodle

yeah which is why I don't know why starr would want to bring back the morning star,

haha starr, there is more to your username than you let on    O,o
 — Ananke

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