poetry critical

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fucking around without
the protection of our
friend Rubber Johnny
is a very grave mistake indeed.
it is like playing russian roulette
but instead of one bullet
one could have
the monster hiding
inside of them.
who knew a rubber man
could be so valuable to me?

17 May 07

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I do like the slang used throughout the poem (aptly titled).   The voice is casual and interesting, but I think swear words are used a lot in poetry to create surprise and in turn it has a tendency to be not as effective if it were not used often, so may want to think about changing the first line. Then again, maybe not.
 — sashacapri

thanks for the good crit.  the curse is not there for surprise, but because "fuck" is slang for vaginal intercourse.
 — bear

Learn that when you dance...
Keep the pecker in the pants!
 — Jagdog

lol true
 — bear

That is a huge bang, my friend.  Ooff.  
 — Isabelle5

yes it is
 — bear

damn man....so freakin true.
 — CheBourdain7

yea its a bitch
 — bear