poetry critical

online poetry workshop



slang
bear

fucking around without
 1
the protection of our
 2
friend Rubber Johnny
 3
is a very grave mistake indeed.
 4
 
 
it is like playing russian roulette
 5
but instead of one bullet
 6
 
 
one could have
 7
the monster hiding
 8
inside of them.
 9
 
 
who knew a rubber man
 10
could be so valuable to me?
 11
 
 
bang.
 12

17 May 07

Rated 7 (7) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (0): 7

(define the words in this poem)
(199 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

I do like the slang used throughout the poem (aptly titled).   The voice is casual and interesting, but I think swear words are used a lot in poetry to create surprise and in turn it has a tendency to be not as effective if it were not used often, so may want to think about changing the first line. Then again, maybe not.
 — sashacapri

thanks for the good crit.  the curse is not there for surprise, but because "fuck" is slang for vaginal intercourse.
 — bear

Learn that when you dance...
Keep the pecker in the pants!
 — Jagdog

lol true
 — bear

That is a huge bang, my friend.  Ooff.  
 — Isabelle5

yes it is
 — bear

damn man....so freakin true.
 — CheBourdain7

yea its a bitch
 — bear

0.466s