| Starry Eyed
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trochee
| Descended from the sebaceous | 1 |
dark clouds, | 2 |
shining undimmed on my cold shoulders. | 3 |
Sometimes i knowingly notice you, | 4 |
sometimes others remark. | 5 |
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It is because of you | 6 |
that i have abandoned things i used to do | 7 |
and clothes i used to don. | 8 |
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Faintly layered, scattered wafers | 9 |
of embarrassment and insult, | 10 |
in three weeks you will depart | 11 |
as this new shampoo loftily promises. | 12 |
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5 Jul 07 |
Rated 7.3 (8) by 3 users.
Active (3): 5, 7, 10
Inactive (2): 8, 9
(define the words in this poem)
(68 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
a poem about dandruff? And such a pretty poem it is.
— banditfemme
but I was expecting a monsoon poem.
— banditfemme
sebaceous in the scalp?
did not know that
so does sebum also cause flakes, then?
as well as acne?
— chuckles
to my mind you have really become more
oops -- i mean to say your writing
has become more interesting as time has passed
trochee
cool poem
— chuckles
Laborious. Too obvious too early. Lacks humour. Lame ending.
— unknown
painful... i like the imagery. "wafers of embarrassment and insult", thats a Very interesting usage. really liked this one. made me sad again.....
- your friend from praxis ;)
— unknown
hey thnx bandit...
i said i m tryin.. lets see if it comes out good ..the monsoon poem i mean.
thanks a lot chuckles... my writing has become interesting only because i am reading interesting poems here.
— trochee
I wonder if a simple "wear" would be more suitable (no pun!) in this small poem.
Oh, the ending surprised me! HAHA I thought it was about the moon!
— Isabelle5
haha, cool poem.
I didn't get it until the shampoo line, which was good, then I read it over,
it's very clever.
— jenakajoffer
haha i thought it was about the moon at first too...great work...soft laughs...
— Cherish
thnx isabelle... thnx cherish ..i am glad you liked it.
an jenny no brain frolicking this time huh? for a change =-)
thnks for stopping by.
— trochee
its been almost a month...
damn this shampoo
— trochee
Ha, I'm with Jenny - was very surprised and had to re-read it after that last bit. Great poem.
— leason
ha ha clever!
— kitkatkarin
oh, a brain frolick!
Howz about a question mark at the end of L8?
Damn, I like this poem
much more now than the first time.
I know about the flakes, my boy has it bad.
He gets so mad when i pick at it.
=-)
— jenakajoffer
what jenny?
i dont see the need for the "?"
— trochee
oops.
thnks for reading leason and karin.
— trochee
looks like line 8 is in the form of a question.
— unknown
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