poetry critical

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elisabeth
stout

caught a smile
 1
wasn't genuine
 2
 
 
smacked her
 3
hard
 4
combed her hair
 5
straightened her coat
 6
 
 
felt for water
 7
but there was none
 8

12 Jul 07

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Comments:

very perturbing poem. I love that particular spelling of the name.
 — banditfemme

I don't know.
I like it because you certainly nailed the image with your cold, abrupt language, but I don't really want to like it.
If you kwim.

I am afraid of you.
well done!
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

thank you both
i don't like it either believe me for she is a cancer that still gnaws
 — stout

hmm
the actions:
caught
wasn't
smacked
combed
straightened
felt
was.
it is a very compressed thing that you give, which is difficult to contemplate
at-a-glance (being on the outside looking in)
but
i wonder what would happen were was none were
wasn't?
 — chuckles

you need to write more
compression is yours
it likes you
you here
 — unknown

miss you stout.
 — jenakajoffer

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