| 15 2 7 11 5 6 4 3 14 9 10 8 13 1 12
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trochee
| And i sensed that mirrored smile, | 1 |
a face with vivid expressions; | 2 |
i followed his trail to the door, | 3 |
while i was erasing what i had penned. | 4 |
as if to know the flow of destiny. | 5 |
He did something else too, | 6 |
blurred features. | 7 |
The other day, he was with a stranger, | 8 |
He held a tint as if the pith of the rose was bruised, | 9 |
beaming face just appeared like an excuse. | 10 |
He was casting away bits of letters | 11 |
he looked like one of me. | 12 |
weighting my story. | 13 |
then i lost him where he gained solitude. | 14 |
I saw him | 15 |
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-------------------------------------------------------- | 16 |
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4 Sep 07 |
Rated 9.5 (8.3) by 4 users.
Active (4): 4, 4, 9, 10, 10
Inactive (4): 8, 9, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(68 more poems by this author)
(3 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
UMMMMMMMMMMMMMM???? not to be rude, but HUH? okay that was the funny but really I don't understandd where this was going what it's referencing or what it is saying ....so I'll come back on it and hopefully someone will say something in a comment that will allow me to get it . until then****
— turtlepoet
Fascinating title.
— Henry
Well... I like it. It is murky but so are many interesting facts and fictions. I enjoy how it doesn't start at the beginning, but rather as a picked up snippet of dialogue months or years later. Numbers give me vertigo, so I'm not enamoured of your title, but this is a story I'll want to return to.
— banditfemme
The title doesn't really make sense, considering there's nothing about lottery numbers in here. I'd consider changing it.
— FangzOfFire
the title consists of the serial numbers of the lines.
try reading the poem in accordance with the line numbers mentioned in the title
— trochee
Heh! Tell that to banditfemme! It's a cute idea and whilst it intrigues, it also completely pisses me off.
— unknown
Wow and far out. I dig mucho, I'm math dyslexic but I like vertigo rides.
— Highwayman
Oh and yes this somehow reminds me of anna kavan's books. Funhouse mirrors of thought.
— Highwayman
I loved the effort in this. It's a nice poem.
Still though, I preferred the original standing on its own.
You don't need to conform, be rebellious (rebel)!
Hey, I do think that L26 should read "as if the pith of a rose was bruised".
whattdya think?
— jenakajoffer
Thanks jen I'd say, 'i like what you think'
— trochee
holy delicious piece of shit, trochee.
rock on!
: )
— fractalcore
i saw him
a face with vivid expressions;
blurred features.
he was casting away bits of letters
as if to know the flow of destiny.
He did something else too,
while i was erasing what i had penned.
i followed his trail to the door,
then i lost him where he gained solitude.
He held a tint as if the pith of the rose was bruised,
beaming face just appeared like and excuse.
The other day, he was with a stranger,
weighting my story.
And i sensed that mirrored smile,
he looked like one of me.
gracias hermoso
— unknown
Wow I really like the way this is written whether the lines are read in order or not. really creative on the title though...I'm pretty sure not a lot of people get...
— RoseOnAWall
I didn't get it at first...but I like it once I read it right
even reading it straight on it's pretty cool.
i've written odd stuff before, and not many understood it or called it crap. but I like your creativity.
— totalyLost
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