poetry critical

online poetry workshop



small talk from swollen mouths
unknown

a cigerette burns in slow motion
 1
a solid still frame
 2
that caught the eye of someone in the audience
 3
who like's what they see
 4
when the singer bleeds from the gallows
 5
 
 
put it to bed
 6
starry eyed and cupid
 7
an ant on a pin
 8
curled back and sold you a dream
 9
 
 
are you sentimental for nothing?
 10
 
 
we hardly knew ourselves that day in the city
 11
under the breast feather stirred by a small wind
 12
affection depends on relavance
 13
 
 
i'll sell you this thought
 14
something I caught on my tounge
 15
picth black pupils - diluted the cause
 16
 
 
when duty leads the fleet to the ocean
 17
they held there breath with a weight on there ankles
 18
 
 
do you ever feel erased in a public place?
 19

20 Sep 07


(define the words in this poem)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

The poem has very nice moments: in the swollen mouths, erased in a public space, starry eyed and cupid... 5th stanza is the stongest...  
 — unknown

constructive editing:
L4 no apostrophe
L5...what?
L7 starry-eyed, perhaps?
L18 their not there.

critique in the style of ebay:
A+++ would read again. evokes thought/emotion. nice delivery. maybe too much packaging, but not too concerned.
 — amaviena

It's amazing. Very meaningful lies. YOur thoughts are very clear and great. Thank you for the great post. keep share such an amazing post.You can visit best essay writing service for essay writing services.
 — unknown

0.367s