|Gentle Head of Summer
your mouth meets mine-
(Look at it glow.)
We catch it,
at the gentle head of summer;
(Look at them flow.)
with evening curtain's
30 Sep 07
Rated 10 (8.6) by 3 users.
Active (3): 10, 10
Inactive (11): 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
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(233 more poems by this author)
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this is actually more a poem than most of what goes down here. the back flow is charming, the way the mind has to reflect in a very easy sliding way to stay with the thought. nice work. the parched rhyme thing as effective in this as it is unexpected. reading it again. nice work. admirable.
woah, starr this is you. you're getting pretty good!
Joey, I'm honored by your compliments. THANKyou, bro! :-)
Yes. Very good....lets hope it stays that way.
another fine tracing of light words conveying much depth starr
beautifully done :)
This is nice.
I'm not sure if you're aware that this love poem can be read an entirely different, 'naughty' way, particularly lines 5 & 6 & even 7.
Lol. I like that: it's duality.
I will now go to Mass.
Wow! I AM truly beside myself, y'all! Amen! To the Unknown and to Mongrol, thank you guyz so much for your kind words and to Rixes, you BEST get yo booty 2 church, boy and get down on yo knees 4 THAT! :-) Peaceout. Starr
Rixes...you're so funny! I kinda thought of that as I was writing it, but then I said to myself, "Nahhh...no one's gonna think that." I was sooooooo wrong. Heehee. :-) Take care, buddy.
I like to think of myself as "intuitive."
Favorite'd this poem.
You're beautiful, man. I'm glad u like it. Stay up. :-)
yep, i'm seeing the 'naughtiness' rixes' expressed. you're bad in a very good way:)
Look at what glow? Look at what flow? Lips smoothing? Evening curtain's elasticity? What are all these diaphanous images supposed to mean? Sure they sound poetic, but they seem to be utter nonsense. 6/10
henry, if you can't read poetry you shouldn't comment on it. poetry isn't a story for you to snack on, its a pattern in the carpet for you to discern. that the figure in the pattern may change with your sensibility is private to you and your sensibility, but not a obligation on the part of the writer to you to keep simple. simple is story.
I need not your advice Joey. Thanks though.
Absolutely beautiful, Starr! Thank you for this lovely piece of poetry. The world needs more men in the world like you who wear their hearts on their sleeves.
A random poem from one of the "better writers" on P.C. I love it. It's so summery and beachy-clean. Perfection, you romantic man, you. Guess who?
wow, this is still good. my 9 shall remain.
I am pretty sure there is music on some where when i read this. very smooth starr
Philoanon, thankyou for the awesome props! I was listening to "Estate (ess-tah-tay)" from Shirley Horn's "Here's to Life" CD. Estate is the Italian word for Summer. Peaceout, buddy.
This kind of just gets better and better.
Perhaps it depends on my mood. Its a wonderful little piece of writing.
Thanks, DeformedLion. You're wonderful too, buddy.
Capitalize second "look."
this takes me back.
this is really good.
happy new year, starr.
Fractalcore, Of_Shoes & PoetBill...Happy New Year and thank you so much for the comments. We got 3' snowbanks here, so the gentle head of summer would be more than welcome at this time. :-) Peaceout.
...and trash goes 2 trash. watch out 4 the dumped ashtrays and last night's coffee grounds. - starr
very beautiful :)
Haiku-like in its simplicity. Very lovely.
seasons are not capitalized ( in the title, yes but in line 6, no).
nisetru, smugzy and unknown, thanks for the beautiful comments and for the education about capitalization of seasons. I honestly never knew that. :-) happy new year!
no idea what this is about.
Very Summery and light. You can cap seasons if you want, either way is correct.
yep, still in love with this..
Thanks, Isabelle & Mong. :-)
mmm what a kiss -- soft and sultry of the season in unhurried pleasure without reason
Jerry, thank you! :-)
A very amateurish poem, it seems to rely heavily on the kiss ass clique for its rating
But that is no concern of mine.
line.9 seems a real dog turd “with evening curtain's” Why curtain’s.
Why not simply. with evening’s elasticity.
False praise is like fool’s gold, a heavy adornment to wear.
Ignore Mor ;) - jealousy is a very heavy attire to display ones self in ;)
Looks like mong the site cheat is back, this is the second time he has been caught out inflating his own ratings, but he is after only a little boy, still rather wet behind the ears...
Mor...mwah. Oops, I thought that was your face. I had the wrong end. Sorry.
You would, being into chocolate sticks, and all that jazz
Like I said, "mwah." Oops. Wrong end again.
Well never mind it is not our problem.sadsy
Well never mind it is not our problem.
Prove Mong cheats Mor. I've not sene any evidence of it and I'm here everyday.
i have no idea why anyone thinks this is great?
honestly someone do explain
what is the creative function of the parenthetical comments? i see no reason as to their value in this
Parenthetical comments are gone. Thanks for the hint on that. And I removed "curtain's" as Mor had hinted at too. :-)
the original was better. the curtains gave material to the metaphor, instead of some vague, banal, amorphous thought.
mor is always wrong. you should know that by now starr.
the loss of the parenthetical commments lessens this also.
they were the internal voice of this piece.
Back to where it SHOULD be. Thanks! :-) I wanna see it hit #1 now!
I wanna see a donkey eat a baby.
Donkeys don't eat babies. They eat torchiere lamps. :-)
Donkeys also eat maple cream votives. :-)
this form is better starr. never compromise your voice nor listen to mor's poor advice.
you done well to keep this as it should be.
Of course, dirty minded as I am, I always read the title as a different kind of gentle head! I like it the original way. We do get carried away by other's suggestions sometimes, I know.
you are so rude Isa!
:D kidding ;)
Isabelle...you bad mama jamma, u. :-) Mong, thank you, buddy. I appreciate your kindness and attention. Peaceout, you two.
aye fract :)
worth a revisit
Well...thanks 4 da visit, you two! :-)
just revisiting again.
always nice to read
something like this.
Aren't you soooo SWEET! Thanks, Frac! Eye hop dat ewe r good! This one's one of my personal favorites. xoxo! :-)
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I come back to read this beautiful piece of writing of yous every now and then, and am always glad I did :)
Awww! What a sweet way 2 start my day 2day, buddy! Love u and am SO GLAD that u like this piece! It's actually one of MY personal faves TOO! xoxoxo!
xoxoxo's and hugs ;)