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Gentle Head of Summer
starr

Softly now,
 1
your mouth meets mine-
 2
 
 
(Look at it glow.)
 3
 
 
We catch it,
 4
one kiss
 5
at the gentle head of summer;
 6
 
 
(Look at them flow.)
 7
 
 
lips smoothing
 8
with evening curtain's  
 9
elasticity.
 10

30 Sep 07

Rated 9 (8.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 7, 8, 10
Inactive (13): 4, 5, 6, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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(229 more poems by this author)

(6 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

this is actually more a poem than most of what goes down here. the back flow is charming, the way the mind has to reflect in a very easy sliding way to stay with the thought. nice work. the parched rhyme thing as effective in this as it is unexpected. reading it again. nice work. admirable.
 — joey

woah, starr this is you. you're getting pretty good!
 — joey

Joey,  I'm honored by your compliments.  THANKyou, bro!  :-)
 — starr

Yes. Very good....lets hope it stays that way.

-DL
 — unknown

another fine tracing of light words conveying much depth starr

beautifully done :)
 — Mongrol

He he.

This is nice.

I'm not sure if you're aware that this love poem can be read an entirely different, 'naughty' way, particularly lines 5 & 6 & even 7.

Lol. I like that: it's duality.

I will now go to Mass.

Nice work.
 — Rixes

Wow!  I AM truly beside myself, y'all!  Amen!  To the Unknown and to Mongrol, thank you guyz so much for your kind words and to Rixes, you BEST get yo booty 2 church, boy and get down on yo knees 4 THAT!  :-)  Peaceout.  Starr
 — starr

Rixes...you're so funny!  I kinda thought of that as I was writing it, but then I said to myself, "Nahhh...no one's gonna think that."  I was sooooooo wrong.  Heehee.  :-)  Take care, buddy.
 — starr

Hah.

I like to think of myself as "intuitive."

Favorite'd this poem.
 — Rixes

You're beautiful, man.  I'm glad u like it.  Stay up.  :-)
Starr
 — unknown

yep, i'm seeing the 'naughtiness' rixes' expressed. you're bad in a very good way:)

sam
 — unknown

Look at what glow? Look at what flow? Lips smoothing? Evening curtain's elasticity? What are all these diaphanous images supposed to mean? Sure they sound poetic, but they seem to be utter nonsense. 6/10
 — Henry

henry, if you can't read poetry you shouldn't comment on it. poetry isn't a story for you to snack on, its a pattern in the carpet for you to discern. that the figure in the pattern may change with your sensibility is private to you and your sensibility, but not a obligation on the part of the writer to you to keep simple. simple is story.
 — joey

I need not your advice Joey. Thanks though.
 — Henry

Absolutely beautiful, Starr!  Thank you for this lovely piece of poetry.  The world needs more men in the world like you who wear their hearts on their sleeves.
 — unknown

A random poem from one of the "better writers" on P.C.  I love it.  It's so summery and beachy-clean.  Perfection, you romantic man, you.  Guess who?
 — unknown

wow, this is still good. my 9 shall remain.
 — DeformedLion

I am pretty sure there is music on some where when i read this. very smooth starr
 — philoanon

Philoanon, thankyou for the awesome props!  I was listening to "Estate (ess-tah-tay)" from Shirley Horn's "Here's to Life" CD.  Estate is the Italian word for Summer.  Peaceout, buddy.
 — starr

This kind of just gets better and better.

Perhaps it depends on my mood. Its a wonderful little piece of writing.
 — DeformedLion

Thanks, DeformedLion.  You're wonderful too, buddy.  
 — starr

Capitalize second "look."
 — poetbill

this takes me back.
 — of_shoes

this is really good.
happy new year, starr.
: )
 — fractalcore

Fractalcore, Of_Shoes & PoetBill...Happy New Year and thank you so much for the comments.  We got 3' snowbanks here, so the gentle head of summer would be more than welcome at this time.  :-)  Peaceout.
 — starr

...and trash goes 2 trash.  watch out 4 the dumped ashtrays and last night's coffee grounds.  - starr
 — unknown

very beautiful :)
 — nisetru

Haiku-like in its simplicity. Very lovely.
 — smugzy

seasons are not capitalized ( in the title, yes but in line 6, no).
 — unknown

nisetru, smugzy and unknown, thanks for the beautiful comments and for the education about capitalization of seasons.  I honestly never knew that.  :-)  happy new year!  
 — starr

no idea what this is about.
 — unknown

Very Summery and light.  You can cap seasons if you want, either way is correct.  
 — Isabelle5

yep, still in love with this..
 — Mongrol

Thanks, Isabelle & Mong.  :-)  
 — starr

mmm what a kiss -- soft and sultry of the season in unhurried pleasure without reason
 — AlchemiA

Jerry, thank you!  :-)  
 — starr

A very amateurish poem, it seems to rely heavily on the kiss ass clique for its rating

But that is no concern of mine.

line.9 seems a real dog turd “with evening curtain's” Why curtain’s.

Why not simply.    with evening’s elasticity.

False praise is like fool’s gold, a heavy adornment to wear.
 — unknown

Ignore Mor ;) - jealousy is a very heavy attire to display ones self in ;)
 — Mongrol

Looks like mong the site cheat is back, this is the second time he has been caught out inflating his own ratings, but he is after only a little boy, still rather wet behind the ears...
 — unknown

Mor...mwah.  Oops, I thought that was your face.  I had the wrong end.  Sorry.  
 — starr

You would, being into chocolate sticks, and all that jazz
 — unknown

Like I said, "mwah."  Oops.  Wrong end again.  
 — starr

Well never mind it is not our problem.sadsy
 — unknown

Well never mind it is not our problem.
 — unknown

Prove Mong cheats Mor. I've not sene any evidence of it and I'm here everyday.
 — unknown

i have no idea why anyone thinks this is great?

honestly someone do explain

what is the creative function of the parenthetical comments? i see no reason as to their value in this
 — unknown

Parenthetical comments are gone.  Thanks for the hint on that.  And I removed "curtain's" as Mor had hinted at too.  :-)
 — starr

the original was better. the curtains gave material to the metaphor, instead of some vague, banal, amorphous thought.
mor is always wrong. you should know that by now starr.
 — unknown

the loss of the parenthetical commments lessens this also.
they were the internal voice of this piece.
 — unknown

Back to where it SHOULD be.  Thanks!  :-)  I wanna see it hit #1 now!
 — starr

I wanna see a donkey eat a baby.
 — DeformedLion

Donkeys don't eat babies.  They eat torchiere lamps.  :-)
 — starr

Donkeys also eat maple cream votives.  :-)
 — starr

this form is better starr. never compromise your voice nor listen to mor's poor advice.
you done well to keep this as it should be.
 — Mongrol

Of course, dirty minded as I am, I always read the title as a different kind of gentle head!  I like it the original way.  We do get carried away by other's suggestions sometimes, I know.
 — Isabelle5

you are so rude Isa!

:D kidding ;)
 — Mongrol

Isabelle...you bad mama jamma, u.  :-)  Mong, thank you, buddy.  I appreciate your kindness and attention.  Peaceout, you two.  
 — starr

just revisiting.
: )
 — fractalcore

aye fract :)

worth a revisit
 — Gynoid

Well...thanks 4 da visit, you two!  :-)
 — starr

just revisiting again.
always nice to read
something like this.
: )
 — fractalcore

Aren't you soooo SWEET!  Thanks, Frac!  Eye hop dat ewe r good!  This one's one of my personal favorites.  xoxo!  :-)
 — starr

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 — nanimu

I come back to read this beautiful piece of writing of yous every now and then, and am always glad I did :)
 — jenn

Awww!  What a sweet way 2 start my day 2day, buddy!  Love u and am SO GLAD that u like this piece!  It's actually one of MY personal faves TOO!  xoxoxo!
 — starr

xoxoxo's and hugs ;)
 — jenn

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