poetry critical

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Battlegrounds
larrylark

No! I don’t want to read
 1
war poems.
 2
Bloody flesh, testicular gore
 3
writhing in the bottom of trenches,
 4
woman sobbing back home.
 5
 
 
I turn to the section
 6
containing poems about love,
 7
the same, pretty much,
 8
but written with a lighter touch.
 9

3 Oct 07

Rated 5.5 (7) by 2 users.
Active (2): 1, 10
Inactive (3): 2, 9, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(1006 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

insipid. The idea for this could have been used better. Perhaps I'll show you how its done properly oneday.
Intertextuality could do this wonders.
 — DeformedLion

Larry i thought you were on to something here until L9. If you could work out a sharper focus, maybe some irony.
 — unknown

Interesting idea, I like that.  
A little more irony, yes.  A little more punch to the end, perhaps.
I read "blood fetish" by accident in L3.
L5 is a bit flat to me.  "woman" seems too impersonal; "back home" too generic. (there are always hysterical wives and mothers at the train station).
Hmm, yes. I can see now that you intended for it to sound generic.
 — jenakajoffer

'more irony' where is the initial irony?
 — DeformedLion

that the language of war is so similar to the language of love: flesh, testicle, writhing, bottom, etc.  

i like the observation
 — unknown

yeah, but its what you do with language that counts.
its apple and oranges.
"love is a battlefield" whoopdeedoo.
 — DeformedLion

no, the language of war is the language of love. this is the irony, as often war and love are considered two sides of the same coin.
 — unknown

love and war, ying and yang? no, fuck that.  there is no ying and yang. there is no bloody spoon.
 — unknown

HiDL

I await your showing me how to do it with baited breath just like the deformed lion in the circus awaited his trainer. The long word on the last line of your reply is your total bollocks.

Larry
 — larrylark

If you really mean irony and your on this side of the pond I'll take that in the spirit it was delivered.

Larry
 — larrylark

Hi Jenakajoffer


This is not the best or the worst. Sometimes you have to go with what you've got, which is not a lot.

Larry
 — larrylark

Meh.  I like the idea behind it, comparing war poems to love poems, but the delivery was poor.
 — unknown

you're all just jealous - deformed lion's poetry is quite dreadful. Compared to his rubbish this stands up like a golden rod in a field of wilted weeds.
 — unknown

I agree totally with the above unknown.
 — DeformedLion

This is a good poem, in that it is tight and all. I just find the need to make any distinction completely unnecessary. I disagree with what you are saying is all...
besides as I recall war poems can double as love poems...Rupert Brooke managed it.
When I said I would show you how its done...well that was me being an idiot.
 — DeformedLion

Hi DL

I was a bit sharp in my reply, over tired yesterday I guess, no hard feelings , lets move on

Larry in the spirit of poetic friendship Lark
 — larrylark

Hi Shapeshifter

but I thought that was taken as read with most men.

Larry swirling erotically charged nuances of flesh appearing through a mist of cordite lark
 — larrylark

After 250+ poems
you still got it.
 — sir_I_clan

This is an interesting idea. I can imagine something heavier - physical vs. emotional destruction.
 — erato

Hi-sir-I -clan

One does ones best my friend, one does ones best.

Larry onward and upward Lark
 — larrylark

Dear erato

In an ideal world i would write light poems full of laughter but in reality I am too much of a miserable sod for that.

Larry glum Lark
 — larrylark

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 — unknown

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 — unknown

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