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there's nothing in
my stomach but
coca cola from
one of those
little glass bottles
carbonation bubbles
popping one by one
in my intestines
causing mass confusion
between all the
gases mixing
like the dreams
of my youth
and the faith
i put in my
heroes who are
all dead by now
those little bubbles
make me think
its time to get
my shit together
but then again
i think maybe not  
(mass confusion)

4 Oct 07

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I would change intestines to stomache. Yes, definetely.
remove 'all of' in L21.

this is rather yucky.
 — DeformedLion

not changing to stomach but i did take out "all of"

you think this is yucky? why?
 — bear

Cause your forcing me to go into your insides, and you know, I don't really want to hang out in you intestines.
This is alright though, I like the way you have constructed it, easy flow, and an interesting ending.
 — DeformedLion