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the Days of Our Lives

Remember this,
the cookie grins, the laughs
the milk mustaches hinting
call it what you will,
but I will call it happiness
how time marched on
forgetting us, our
pale times of joy
now only footnotes
in dust clad photo-albums
lined upon the shelves
how from youth
we were bundled up
given no choice,
but to grow,
to grow apart,
and miss each other
with all we could have shared
with you and your floral
dress, and I
with my grubby hands
which seems from here
perhaps the only time
I would leave my mark on you.
my fingerprints, my boundlessness
your shy smile, your bundled hair
all gone to ash
as we drift further through our days
forgetting, that we once
shared love
as only two can, and learned
our first lessons of youth.
that love, so fickle
bends upon the slightest breeze
and like a shimmering light
coruscating upon our reflective pool
fades with darkness, and
dies with light
because, it seems,
love is vapid
and only dithers.

11 Oct 07

Rated 9.5 (9.6) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (5): 6, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10

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I love when this happens.
When I love a poem.
When i have nothing else to say.

thank you for writing.
 — jenakajoffer

...and then I see the title.
I wouldn't cheapen this with a soap opera title.
that's all.
 — jenakajoffer

love is one of those rare things that grows and ripens, but never spoils. Love L21-23
 — Andramelach

The title is fitting. Thats your problem if you choose to associate it with something else.
Slight changes...sort of...ummm, thanks for the niceness.

There is something about the 3rd stanza that I must change...although I have forgotten what it was.
 — unknown

you have the mind to grasp all things dead, loved and alive;
the soul of experience,
the heart of a...

I enjoyed this poem today.
 — jenakajoffer

Thanks Jen and A.
 — DeformedLion

I would never have guessed this was yours, A.
I am tired right now but I will be back.
And with an email too.
 — unknown

Wow! Quite sad, in content.i thought L4 and 5 perfect.
 — crimsonkiss


hmm i really like L2, and then I think L3 could be the line I have ever written.
 — DeformedLion

I meant 'L3 could be the best line I have ever written"
 — DeformedLion

"that love, so fickle on the slightest breeze", maybe, cause "bends" pushes into the reader but leaves "upon the slightest breeze" sounding cliche'?

nicely carved out of your own word space, i think. it feels very authentic, even though it's superficially like the prosey narrative poems. the totality of good moves is what makes this tasteful and evocative.
 — joey

made some slight changes just now.

Thanks Joey for your tasty comment.

And to the unknown: huh?
 — DeformedLion

ahem, sorry sir but i do believe it should be "me, with my grubby hands", not I; grammatically speaking.

and as i was enjoying a re-read of this after sooo long i noticed that you could change 'seems' to seem, L22.

 — jenakajoffer

oohh, re-commenting just made your rating skyrocket.
 — jenakajoffer

I guess it's good you never really made many edits to this work, so we can come back nearly a decade since you grew out of diapers and see how much you've grown.  What a big boy you are now!

I still love the voice in this poem, you were once so very soft and forlorn, vulnerable...maybe that's why I offered my teat so early on.  

oh and look, you're still hanging there by one little milk-tooth (but only in the tiny mouth of night).
 — jenakajoffer