poetry critical

online poetry workshop



circular saw
gnormal

only wthen i looked
 1
back at the dust and division
 2
i could see what i had sawn
 3
 
 
wringing in my years
 4
smelling baked
 5
pine at dawn
 6
 
 
and only just
 7
then could i
 8
see what i will
 9
 
 
saw
 10

4hank

13 Oct 07

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Comments:

nice poem. spelling purposeful in line 1? much future.
 — hank

only when i'd sown what i'd sem'd, had i saw what i'd sought in poetry. a "grant"? the concept is there, and it's cold and fine, but there's something a little self satisfied in how you've written this, and i think it can be hacked down or at least planed into more than a stack of lumber.
 — joey

you have performed magic
come out come out whoever you are
 — stout

been looking at this, feverishly.
 — hank

i think it would be neat if you was in the ps
nice words
thank you
 — chuckle_s

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