I) The Fattening;
feasting on after
Pouring cholesterol based
testosterone on the
II) The Snowday;
Tobogganing on bikes'
hills, and ducks;
after the path, no
confused thighs and
III) The Dog;
starving with grass
and noodle glasses;
if only for
packaged sound effects.
IV) The Splash;
a one person wave.
Boob signing induced
comas, using pencils
and cubism homework.
You have a baby inside you.
V) Cell Regeneration;
20 Nov 07
Rated 9.5 (9.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9, 10
Inactive (2): 8, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(22 more poems by this author)
(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
Add A Comment:
The sonics in this poem are excellent. Feels very imagist, and the surrreal qualities still move toward a theme (at least as I read it).
I only wonder if lines 5-7 work against the overall tone. "Pouring cholesterol based/testosterone on the/internet unknowns" seems contemporary and self-conscious, sounds a bit like the poetic voice intruding on the poem.
Good schtuff, thanks,
why thank you once again mikkirat,
thats twice youve been so supportive.
however, the origins of this poem
suggest that i should keep it this way
at least until i get more crit.
Very almost erotic. Nice.
Edit: part III) corrections based on she who inspired this' comments.
How many poems do you favourite in an average login period friend?
i might come up with a compilation someday with
all the signatures of all the poets i faved.
That might take awhile from what i glanced.
Plus, you have a poem faved, twice?
one cannot fave a poem twice.
Look at your page thing.
you kidding me? it's impossible.
ok. i've already fixed the glitch. the site
crashed the other day, i think. hence the
Yeah I know it crashed.
I myself would have kept it,
because it was pretty badass.
yes, this is cooked to my liking. very cool.