poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Blog Poem*
unknown

I was eccentric, abstract, and inevitably unique,
 1
but then Google came and checked me
 2
as Random and Irrelevant.  
 3
 
 
I thought I had a soul, a frequency of right and wrong, maybe some kind of twisted mirror or a pulse that adds and subtracts, a scale that weighs unknowns vs. knowns.
 4
 
 
It's turns out I'm all Porn.
 5

7 Dec 07

Rated 2 (2) by 1 users.
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Inactive (0): 2

(define the words in this poem)



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and password...
 — poetbill

I would rework line 5 a little, its just doesn't flow well for me, the first sentence is just too much (but maybe thats just me) Also, I find that lines 1 and 3 don't really contradict, (can be abstract and random at same time), so 'but' doesn't really apply (maybe?)
Other than that... interesting :) I enjoyed it
 — jkathleen

I really, really like the first stanza, but would nix inevitably.  The rest of the poem fails me as a reader.  I was expecting wit after that excellent opening.  Maybe the man starts to feel random and irrelevant etc.  I think this could be a great surreal piece.

Lucy
 — mnemosyne

work in progress --- thanks for the tips
 — unknown

are you the failed version of walt whitman? the one with similar disorder but no talent?
 — unknown

I am Joe Zeugas commas
 — unknown

I am Joe Zeugmas exactitude
 — unknown

I am the Website that Jack built.
 — unknown

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