poetry critical

online poetry workshop

cretin of a 'Man'

so the drugs have finally caught up to you.
"big man" left empty and confused.
desperate and craving attention.
stop fucking pitying yourself
you make me sick.
leave me feeling agitated and distraught.
while your neediness wears me down.
i'm tired of our endless routine.
you are broken and ugly inside.

8 Jan 04

Rated 2 (5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (1): 2, 8

(define the words in this poem)
(2 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


Last line is the best one of the whole poem. But, it's not an ending. It just ends, without leaving me feel like you gave us a conclusion.
 — unknown

right. my poem lacks a conclusion because the drama has not yet concluded. *weary*
 — dooks

If it's not ended then why not write about one of the thoughts that has ended with regards to this 'drama'? L7 would be a good start. dkm
 — unknown

This is a journal poem. It's a rant but without a point. Can you give some body and shape to it? We need a beginning, middle and end. Or maybe we don't strictly need one but it would be nice to know why you're upset.

As dkm has suggested, line 7 is a good beginning. What neediness, how is it tearing you down? Quid, can I quote you? "Show us, don't tell us."
 — Isabelle5

is that spelled right? it just looks wrong. nice job here, it should be added to, though. I think there's a LOT to be said here--why limit yourself??
 — aforbing