poetry critical

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It's Just Me Singing

i'll give you my soul
just take control
even when the trees are tall
i will never fall
'coz you will catch me
and you will even tell me
that all my dreams are
at my feet and available
when you see me cry
no, i won't deny
even if the others lie
i still won't deny
though i seem so weak
believe that i'm still at my peak
you don't have to try
my love you'll always find
and if i try
you say there won't be goodbye
no matter how tired you are
you'll still go that far
just to carry me
so i will feel free
to do things i wanna do
i wanna do them for you
watch me fly so high above
pull me and let me feel your love
no thunder nor heavy rain
can stop me from loving you

19 Dec 07

Rated 8 (6.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 6
Inactive (2): 3, 7, 10

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Your title is misleading. I don't appreciate being lied to.
 — DeformedLion

thanks for the comment, DeformedLion.
it was just me singing to my bluesy riffs.
but hey, titles change.
 — happymole

nice sentiment, though as a poem it needs work. Lots of work. Lots and lots... you get the idea.
 — trixabelle

i think i really should have you
this Sing Out Loud (SOL=soul)
: )

this has lots of potential if you
work on it a bit more.
i like |7-|8.
 — fractalcore

SOL does not translate to 'soul' you ninkapoop.
 — DeformedLion

ok help me with this, DL.
what's the ASCII code for
the "O" with a hyphen over it?
merry christmas.
: )
 — fractalcore

oh go fractal your core you silly little chickadee.

And onto this 'poem'...well I can't really read it as a poem because it is more of a song...what with the forced rhyme and  all that stuff about love. overly setimentalised.
 — DeformedLion

look:  ō
i found it!

yeah, it's a good song and
i love soul/jazz/blues.
can you suggest a revision?
 — fractalcore

Hmm...well unk, I guess I shouldn't have posted this stuff here.  This isn't really a poem.  I just posted this so I won't forget the lyrics of one of my blues.  :)  Sorry.
 — happymole

but i find this poetic and lyrical.

i apologize for forgetting to fave it.
: )
 — fractalcore

nice. i do agree, it has a lovely lyrical quality to it.
 — listen

Thanks a lot, fract and listen.  I think I'm confused now.  How do we really define poetry, or a poem perhaps?  Is there a universal rule regarding poetry...of what is and what isn't?
 — happymole

you'd better ask joey about that.
; )
 — fractalcore