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Oh Woman
happymole

since land's first breath, she's been brought
 1
as the predation of others
 2
never ceased to be indifferent
 3
weak and unsheathed
 4
 
 
her pains dictated the monsoons of agony
 5
nestled in the sonata of silence
 6
her pith long been stabbed by scimitars
 7
her pieces now endure the eternity of all
 8
 
 
and so i can say, everything
 9
that matters is entirely about her
 10
she's simply the pinnacle of life
 11
oh woman
 12

2/04/05

19 Dec 07

Rated 8.7 (8.4) by 3 users.
Active (3): 8, 8, 10, 10
Inactive (4): 4, 6, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(15 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

hmm...i love the 2nd stanza a lot.
it could stand alone as the poem.
maybe you should work a little on
the 1st and 3rd.

pain is beautiful but i know
you can afford to smile.
: )
 — fractalcore

and btw, merry christmas.
 — fractalcore

did i just give you another 8?
 — fractalcore

!
 — unknown

This seems a little trite to me. I think this poem has been written many times before. I'm not a fan of stilted language and this has it. So for me, it didn't work. On the positive side it uses the word 'predation'. Since I'm a man, it's probably not Politically Correct to rate this poem poorly, so I won't.
 — xixtas

happy new year, happy mole.
 — unknown

strong 2nd stanza.
 — unknown

Hi xixtas.  Thanks for the comment.  You may be right when you mentioned that several poems about women were written before...but I wrote this one as how pain influenced my views and feelings as well.  It could be that the stand about us (women) is universal.  :)
 — happymole

In line 7, I believe it's spelled "scimitars".
Interesting poem and I agree with the rest that the second stanza is fairly strong.  Though this poem I've read in other forms before.
 — unknown

A trifle self concious and regarding but enjoyed all the same
 — larrylark

lovely 2nd strophe
 — unknown

YuP! Thanks! I stand corrected...it's scimitars, not scimatars.  Didn't notice it.
 — happymole

Thanks larrylark!
 — happymole

scimitars is a cool strange word.
sounded greek to me till now.
gave you a 10 actually
and faved it this
since you're never bent at
redoing your work aside from
that see(n)-my-(s)tars-eek beauty.
: )
 — fractalcore

how often does a woman get writ about?

nice to see the oppposite sex get the
attention they so rightfully deserve
these days.
: )
 — fractalcore

i like the start and finish of this poem (1 & 11-12), and i do like the overall idea, i found it refreshing.

However, unlike the others, i'm not so keen on the way this idea is developed in the 2nd stanza. phrases such as 'monsoons of agony', 'sonata of silence', and 'stabbed by scimitars' just yell amateurism, they go with the tradition here of putting two 'cool' sounding words together and fitting them into verse. that whole second stanze feels strained, tired, and over-milked. in terms of language, also, the second stanza does not fit the rest of the poem- it feels like an imposter, like it shouldnt be there.

nice idea though. you've written about something the other poets would not write about, something novel- and on this site, thats no small feat.
 — unknown

i am happy to say that i haven't read "this" poem
elsewhere.
i liked it very much.
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

Thanks jenakajoffer.  I just feel that women have always been taken for granted...but without them, the world is boring.  :)
 — happymole

Hey fract, I won't redo this poem or else the intensity that it conveys will be gone.  Just allow it to reflect what's within me.
 — happymole

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