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BESIDE A HOSPITAL BED
tragicbubble

Baby, I broke my teeth on your wishbone
 1
on your way through the windshield.
 2
But you shouldn’t have left so angry, should have seen
 3
the dry slick of oil slathered on the asphalt.
 4
 
 
I watched. The chiasmic thud of collision
 5
nestled into the hollow of my throat
 6
till help became a kilo of tumbleweed
 7
snagged between tonsils.
 8
 
 
Believe me when I say you’re better off
 9
elbow deep in steel, blood a white flag across your eyelids.
 10
Veins popped like light bulbs. There is nothing I would say
 11
to make this better. No one I could be
 12
 
 
to make this easier. I drag
 13
my index finger along the rubber tread
 14
on your left side while you sleep. Wonder
 15
if it was really my fault.
 16
 
 
And all I could think was that I warned you,
 17
fidelity is just a trick of light.
 18

27 Dec 07

Rated 10 (9) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (3): 5, 8, 10, 10

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Comments:

fidelity and car wreck?
 — unknown

great
 — unknown

This is quite wonderful. Line 5, however, is overwrought . Consider tossing or replacing > (The chiasmic thud of collision).
This poem is believable and that's what I admire most about it. I think you should
delete "the" before 'light" in your last line, which  otherwise offers a strong and attractive ending.
 — banditfemme

I enjoy the sinister indications.  Good job.
 — Aziel

Humans don't have wishbones... Other than that I liked this.
 — ninabaladina

boring, predictable, melodramatic, teen'ish, lifetime movie'ish, but better than most of the crap on this site.
 — unknown

GREAT WRITE.
I CONNECTED WITH THIS ONE.
 — unknown

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