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Nibbanic I OM
fractalcore

I kiss every inch of your skin
 1
and OM lured by your scent into your heavenly gate
 2
where I exclaim the absolute consummation
 3
of your name...and mine.
 4
 
 
(you, me, One, Love)
 5
 
 
this couch is jealous –
 6
a winged carpet that brings
 7
us cheek-to-cheek with
 8
the Sun of infinite 'OMorrows,
 9
 
 
OMorous and radiant as our souls
 10
expand and contract in the vastness
 11
of our breathing Heart,
 12
(we scoff at the hint of a stolid breeze.)
 13
 
 
you're here – head tucked close to my chest,
 14
virile hand running through satin hair;
 15
we talk about light-yellow apples and brandy
 16
and The Soul of A New Machine which I misplace earlier.
 17
 
 
an apple falls and we bite,
 18
then reek of the guilt of falling
 19
drenched in that grape-essence failing
 20
to conceal the innuendo on site.
 21
 
 
'tis on that particular rainy afternuance –
 22
your unisex t-shirts to the rescue – that we,
 23
weary from all the wa(IT)ding, decide that the
 24
overripe doth fall in a backward stance.
 25
 
 
couch silver with two matched suns,
 26
I stall for something you call inane
 27
then noodle my doodled puns;
 28
to err is human, to forgive is humane.
 29




written a few hours ago

5 Jan 08

Rated 9 (7.6) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (5): 1, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 10

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Comments:

L6 only decent line
 — unknown

explain that.
: )
 — fractalcore

first time?

thought so.

s
the professional
 — unknown

I like it best from: a winged carpet that brings - to The Soul of A New Machine which I misplace earlier. apple stanza is delicious, i like the unisex shirts too, made me smile.
all in all a good love poem and it reads very well.
 — nisetru

nothing further to explain, it's just my subjective opinion
 — unknown

lines 6 to 17 - passion is undeniably in existence
 — unknown

unknown: thanks for reading and for liking ||6-17. i presume you're the person who's appeared thrice here so far. i like |6 too. all the passion is authentic.
: )

s, the professional: yes, it's the first time in my attempt at poetry ever and i can never duplicate it.
: )

nisetru: your kindness overwhelms. i thank the 30mins of sleep that carried me through that day. now i feel this piece is too short to do me justice.
: )
 — fractalcore

some small edits:

capitalized "heart" in |12;
transformed the "(it)" to (IT) in |24; and
|26 "couch silver with two matched suns," instead of
"couch red with too much suns," in memory of some
poem that says "...silver in the silver sun...".

that is more like it
i think, but not quite so and
i leave it at that.

: )
 — fractalcore

some words in |5 need to be capitalized too.
there you go...
 — fractalcore

om has caused me some smugness in scrabble
 — chuckle_s

as has aa
 — chuckle_s

i take it you used OM as just a part
of a longer word, right chuckle_s?
: )
 — fractalcore

i'll need to meditate on your question
 — chuckle_s

full lotus, 45min at the minimum
for an advanced student liike you.
: )
 — fractalcore

this is nothing - not entirely - erotic, chuckle_s.
you can release your feet and knees now.
: )
 — fractalcore

i like the poem even more now with the small changes, i think they make it more personal.
line '25' which i used to read as an allusion to the physical side of love, which completes and sustains the spiritual one, and vice versa, i discovered it is about the returning to the innocence, true love's greatest magic meaning and beauty.
the two suns are the two keenly alike souls that purify everything.
nirvanic souls love dreams and materialize dreams in their dreaming.. which is beautiful.
congratulations for a lovely poem. i love it lots.
 — nisetru

i'm really stunned, nisetru.

: )
 — fractalcore

sweet.
 — raskolniikov

thanks, raskoniikov.
very sweet of you. please bring
your poetry back here.

: )
 — fractalcore

raskolniikov, sir,
i should spell you name right.

: )
 — fractalcore

lol, careful fract;
he finds everything erotic.

and hey!
this was a nice read, as I enjoy from time to time hearing the familiar
words as heart, love, and cheeks.
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

had to Capitalize some members
of the commonplace to break
boundaries. (now i smile at the
memory of larrylark not finding
his member in that funny poem of his.)
i'm forever indebted to all of you.
: )
 — fractalcore

~fractalcore~

you're welcome and yes i will bring them back.
 — raskolniikov

now that's more like it.
thanks again, all.

: )
 — fractalcore

not very good, overly wordy and seems a bit more like a journal/diary prose. no serious poetry workshop would take this seriously, not for a moment. but maybe on this site.
 — unknown

it's a beautiful love poem, has many symbols in it, soulmates, oneness, infinite love, primordial sin, innocence, it's got subtlety and depth and it's delicious to read.
 — nisetru

i quite expected such a comment from
the likes of you, unknown. and i know
what you mean. i agonized for it's
brevity but this is the shortest it can
get. any suggestions to make it more
poetic?

thanks for reading.
: )
 — fractalcore

("it's" in my last comment should be "its")

hi, nisetru. you're very kind as usual.
namaste.
: )
 — fractalcore

... yes we noodle your doodle ... clever word play and the way of the Poet to dismantle and reassemble Language. I always knew that Om mani padme hum, was really, Oh Mommy Take Me Home said really fast like when you are a scar'd kid ... some how you've sublimed the ludicrous and juggled them between the fiery Sun and the silvery Moon ... many reflections made here!
 — AlchemiA

thanks, AlchemiA.
"Oh Mommy Take Me Home" just makes perfect
sense and Home is where we're all headed.

: )
 — fractalcore

>lol, careful fract;
he finds everything erotic.

and hey!
this was a nice read, as I enjoy from time to time hearing the familiar
words as heart, love, and cheeks.
=-)
— jenakajoffer<



well, he's a fun, cool guy, jenny.
this is a blast-from-the-past read for me.
hope you and the kids are fine.
: )
 — fractalcore

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