poetry critical

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no hidden meanings.  just a frindly however gangly elbow in your ribs.  a bbq chicken joint.  not much meat on that, but it's pretty good.  try to remember it later, in the car.  it's not good for nothin.  it's good for that.  and that's about it.  and that, is about all.  no, i take it back.  that's about it, period.

10 Jan 04

Rated 10 (6.9) by 1 users.
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you need punctuation otherwise it makes no sense.
 — loonytune

if your brain can't put in the punctuation, is it really the poet's fault?
 — unknown

hmm, let's try it with the punctuation, and in a way that penny and loony would not "hate" it:

The cheerleader with
the cigarette, when I gave
her the finger, smiled.

Nope, not as good. My brain is less enthused. How about penny's

 — unknown

Maybe the extra punctuation was not put it there on purpose. Maybe it is representing how there is "something" actually there, physically hidden in her.
 — unknown

"Whoo!", said Haiku; You?
The second line has seven.
And this, the third, five.
 — unknown

I may be making a horribly idiotic mistake but shouldnt the scheme on this be 5-7-5 instead of 5-7-6? Maybe im missing the obvious but thought id say something irregardless. By the way i liked this but it seems like the footnote has more literary work put into it then the actual poem. 7
 — ShelbyS

oh that.
this was your hooribly idiotic mistake:
you read SMILED when you should have read SMIL'D.

and speaking of literary work,
 — gnormal

SMELLED is singularly syllabic.
 — unknown

lol thanks. By the way i had somehow before tonight never read any of your work on this site and im saddened to find this out. I went back and read like half of your poems(i really had nothing better to do for a while) and i have to say youre probably the most constantly brilliant poet on this site. Keep up the good work.
 — ShelbyS

Well, I'm honestly not sure about your footnote... but I do like the poem itself. It was a little shocking to say the least... the title draws the reader in.. since it is very questionable.. and when they read the poem, they almost feel tricked or duped... but not in a bad way. I definitely liked this.
 — Inuki

gnorm, ever get tired of people seemingly purposefully misunderstanding? Grin. This is like a hotdog at the drive in. Woot!
 — ka

i like it, i wish i could write stuff like this without rambling! good one
 — Minx

oh, and a haiku form about human nature, etc. is senryu - and it's acceptable to break the 5-7-5, that's a convention that is flexible.
 — ka

it is true that with the punctuation it is crap, and without the only thing worth commenting on is the lack of punctuation.
whats with people critquing the critque?
 — loonytune

I like it. I like that I have to repiece the order for it to make sense, but I like that it's possible. Absolutly no punctuation, please. I also like the footnote quite a bit, which could almost be a poem on its own.
Why the all-caps, though?
 — abby

a TRIUMPH! I will print his out and scotch tape it somwhere.
 — onklcrispy

when onkl likes it, it seems better.
taped to a wall. of course!
then i wouldnt have had to interrupt you all with it!
 — gnormal

dont print it out.
write it with your left hand
on the back of a photo
a bad shot you dont need.
use a ballpoint pen
which doesnt write so well
but well enough
on kodak, or fuji, paper.
then tape it. (either hand.)
 — gnormal

very well done! *shakes your hand*
I shall remember this...probably in English class...Ill start cracking up
 — Adrielle

eeeeek.... I'm lost. Call in the Survivor Troops to get me out of this Sri Lankan jungle. I know not where I am, but have left bread crumbs.... Hurry, come quick!
 — aforbing

what party of "no hidden meanings" do you understand?
would you call a poet, a liar?!
 — gnormal

Poets ARE liars
 — unknown

not only that.
i have heard that "every poet is a thief."
how did we get this horrible rep?
 — gnormal

I don't like this at all and it has no meaning to it, it's not even interesting.
 — unknown

lol (ive done that alot today) clever..
 — mightyjoe

nice haiku, sometimes it's hard to make a haiku that actually makes sense when you put it together...and about the punctuation dispute, i think its better without punctuation
 — unknown

i like the image of a finger smiling in the satisfaction of a cigarette, in it's simplicty it remains complex in the fact that you can get very addicted to the most minor looking htings. Plus i think it's a great contrast between shown perfection and flaw...i just liked it so sue me.
 — BlendedClam

ha ha.. blendedclam didnt get it.
 — unknown

what the f**** is this????? this poem is confusing????????/ learn how to write poems dude
 — unknown

This is kind of like how when asked if the wizard of oz was an alagory. He said no but it really was. If he has just said yes people would stop thinging about it thus the message and thoughts would die. I hate the fact that I know that. I have no life.
 — InMyBlood

giving the finger to little girls...hmmm. sounds good.
 — hank

i like it. on the other hand i just dislike footnotes or any kind of note... poems should not be explained, that's my position.
 — aerol

u rock! i'm lovin it too too much
 — meghanmidget

nice one.

I think the final full stop (sorry, period) should be excised.  Cut off.  Away with it.  Begone, superfluous dot!
 — wildrubyA

firstly, i ain't no girl and sometimes -- only sometimes,
like once in a green moon viewed through my spykids
watch -- i roll my own drag too many to remember the
lyrics to Rastaman In New York. such a drag indeed.

lastly, this smells really good. ooh yah, i want more...
: )
 — fractalcore