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Images For A Poem

A still river
overhung with
willow branches
dancing on crystal water.
Morning sun,
slides like an orange ball
rolled by a boy
over snowy wasteland.
A dove perched
on the apex of
a wooden house;
inside, a wooden man
and his wooden spouse,
saw each other into tiny pieces.

9 Jan 08

Rated 9.3 (8.3) by 5 users.
Active (5): 7, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (26): 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(985 more poems by this author)

(7 users consider this poem a favorite)

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hmm, larry the poem weaver lark
: )
 — fractalcore

saw-dust is recyclable.
: )
 — fractalcore

I thikn it should begin at line 5, before that it is too cliched, I nearly didn't read on.
 — bleach

lovely poem, larry.

only the word 'apex' is not really apt. no?

lovely poem.
 — varun

Nice crisp images

instead of apex... can u say "peak"
 — trochee

Dear fractalcore

I used to work in a cotton factory in the weaving dept. It was an eight day week with half an hour off each day to sleep or fornicate(you were not allowed to do both) for 2 dollars a week. I loved the hearty comradeship and the odd hand that slipped down my trousers and the girls in their flimsy shifts with the light shining straight through and you were only allowed to go to the toilet once a month.

Larry olden golden days lark
 — larrylark

Hi again fractalcore

So will people be in the brave new disposable world that is secretly being planned for us.

Larry the disappeared lark
 — larrylark

Dear bleach

my life is one long cliche and i write only what i know.

Larry x-ray specs Lark
 — larrylark

2 dollars for all the sleepfornication time?
it's not too bad. this poem is priceless.
; )
 — fractalcore

MMMM..Maybe......I dunno...Line 5..You've got me thinking...

Larry consternation Lark
 — larrylark

Dear Varun

Maybe "peak which wouls echo in the word "pieces at the end of the last line

Fond regards

Larry chain saw massacre Lark
 — larrylark

houses don't really have peaks though.

could just say 'roof' i suppose? or 'chimney'?
 — varun

Very nicely written, good imagery, step two integrate more literary elements, step three find a good theme, ???, profit!
 — technomancer

Very good images, but what ties them together, why are they in the same poem. Even the title seems to suggest that you dont know what they are doing together.
 — joshcoops

Awesome little poem!  I might suggest changing the "boy" in L7 to "child.  In my humble opinion, it would sound better.  Love it!  
 — starr

I wish the first part of this poem was stronger. It's like a tinny music box playing until lines 11-14. Then, womp, brass band. It sets the reader up nicely. Still I wish that it set the reader up and wasn't quite so trite.
 — xixtas

 — apples

nice images
 — chuckle_s

 — chuckle_s

Dear verun

I could say lots of things my friend but modesty forbids

Larry secret genius in his own head lark
 — larrylark

Dear Techno

Your kind words have brought a small measure of comfort to an old bastard who is playing out the time he has left tapping nonsense into his PC.

Larry old git lark
 — larrylark


you are absolutely right my friend, I have never had a clue what I am doing and expect I never will have.

Larry clueless Lark
 — larrylark

Dear starr

all things are under consideration. Does not the child become man yet the boy remains so?

Larry Peter Panstick Lark
 — larrylark

Music box, brass, you'll be hearing the pipes of pan next.

Larry full blown Lark
 — larrylark

Dear apples

you have obviously seen a photograph of me.

Larry high wide and handsome lark
 — larrylark

Dear Chuckles

Nice images, honk. Whatever next?

Larry maidens pussy beep beep Lark
 — larrylark

I like this poem so much better without the first and second comma breaks. Have you read it without the commas in place? Let me know what you think. It just seems a bit dramatic and maybe even ambiguous with the pause, even if it is momentary.

"A still River"
"Morning Sun" are two images that need the dressings: "willow branches," "sliding..orange ball," and I suppose you'd have to do something with the comma after inside if you wanted a parallel rhythm.

hope this commentary is the opposite of regress.
 — uncjaf

 — unknown

Thanks Jacob for making me look at this poem in a new light
 — larrylark

i knew what was coming, in a good way.

title works well.

i like reading the his and hers image literally and metaphorically even better.
 — NicMichaels

This is awesome, beautiful
 — psychofemale

I particularly enjoyed the surprising end. I like a poem with a punchline.
 — marieclaire

this is actually like the opening paragraph of some portland writer's hope to get it right in one line, but is afraid that if he doesn't sound cool and detached and ironic he won't be liked by his friends at the blue moon sports and bohemian bar.
 — cadmium

humm, larry... this is before you decided that you were the reincarnation of walter scott's nephew "scotty"?
 — cadmium

is larry a poet? i think he's kind of like a casual verse writer who sometimes gets lost in the bottle... sort of an ogden nash-kind, but maybe one who thinks that poetry writing is sissy and you have to pretend that you're above it all.
 — cadmium

nice formal poem
 — unknown

I love the the poem starting with "Morning sun" and even though the images are still very tight and visible the connection that weaves it all together is not there. The end of this poem is so good I would like to see it paired up with an equally powerful beginning.
 — Josephseth11

I like the unique images of this poem, the orange ball, and the wooden people.  You use sound well, I like "rolled by a boy"," and you could try few more such word plays.  I think the first image could be more unique, there's lots of willow branches and crystal water out there.  Surprise us more.  

I enjoyed the poem.  
 — marisatw

In ever doll's house a heartache ;)
 — dia

 — 9

I'll take that as a yes then. Yes?

Larry no all Lark
 — larrylark

how good is this?
 — unknown

nice poem.  I like the metaphor for the sun in 6.  we used to call the sun B.O.B.  big orange ball :)
 — JKWeb

nice poem
 — nexster

I don't know how good it is.

Larry the good the bad and the ugly Lark
 — larrylark

this poem is very beautiful, liked it, the ending is unique...
 — smitaanand

This is really interesting and wild..I love the crazyness of it..
 — brother_sun

Larry this a strong poem Lark
 — 9

I am strong and my well of hubris, misty eyed pie eye my my and sigh sigh knows no bounds

Larry into the mystic lipstick Lark
 — larrylark

Lovely... I can see why this is a favorite poem.... Wonder if his author is even still here to receive my plaudits???
If so, I'd use a different word to start line 11 and 13.
Also, line 9, drop the "A" before dove.
 — aforbing

Dear aforbing

I have always been here and guess i always will except of course for the very occasional vacation.

Larry in holiday mode Lark
 — larrylark

darling. absolutely darling piece . . .. thanks
 — funes

Thanks darlin'

Larry sweet hearted lark
 — larrylark

i don't think this poem has to be top-rated... the use of "apex" on this site is hacneyed. this is not a poeme of such interest, sorry. please stop valueing whatever poem..
 — greenmantle

I hope you soon get over your hacney greenmantle

Larry from the apex Lark
 — larrylark


dd something post as me? [funes?] i dont think that was posted by me/funes.

i never use the word 'darlin' [not even jokingly]


 — Clara


wooden wife ????

that just sounds so cewl. wooden wife.

i know spouse rhymes with house . . but alliteration would be ever so nice right at that spot?

so what i can most humbly bumbly suggest:

a wooden house;
inside, a wooden man
and his wooden wife
saw each other into tiny knives

then we get the whole lovely nesting thing from crystal dagger on down to . . .

god im lame

 — Clara

 — unknown

images alone do not make a poem The poem is here

...a wooden house;
inside, a wooden man
and his wooden spouse,
saw each other into tiny pieces.
 — unknown

Oh no it isn't

Larry pantomime dame Lark
 — larrylark