poetry critical

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trans(E)missions from my tEnt
fractalcore

you don't cook dinner that much;
 1
you don't eat much anyway.
 2
did your monitor explode?
 3
do you spite my Buddha-touch?
 4
((((((((((
 5
))))))))))     ideally, Life's greater
 6
((((((((((     in a cave beside a kart –
 7
))))))))))     a Ferrari – or a (d)hog
 8
((((((((((     thus dubbed Golden Achiever.
 9
))))))))))
 10
i'm a goat that prefers grout
 11
but today seems quite diff'rent;
 12
steamed grass toys with my palette,
 13
i chew more and chicken out.
 14
//////////
 15
\\\\\\\\\\     so you want a wooden house –
 16
//////////     don't worry, i'll build you one
 17
\\\\\\\\\\     with a library or two
 18
//////////     and three others to espouse.
 19
\\\\\\\\\\
 20
there's a dent on your Statue:
 21
a lotus pond on Its nose;
 22
my R/Cs don't have seatbelts
 23
but i zoom in them to you...
 24



written a few hours ago

14 Jan 08

Rated 10 (8.7) by 1 users.
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Comments:

very technical cause of the last stanza. which i love best. i also like expressions like, Golden Achiever, Buddha-touch, steamed grass toys with my palette, my R/C's don't have seatbelts but i zoom in them to you. and i like that it rhymes, a-d lines, read well.
hm i recognize the stuff it's made of.
beautiful poem
 — nisetru

it'd've been nice had you lined up the moguls
(
)
(
)
 — chuckle_s

nisetru: you're very kind as usual. Golden Achiever -
rather than Golden Retriever - jives perfectly with
either a dog or a street hog (or a soulmate). just some
thoughts while playing with my radio-controlled karts
in neverland. i'm glad you can relate to this. you have
some R/C's as well?
: )

chuckle_s:
(((         ///
)))         \\\
(((         ///
)))         \\\
are the thread
on my toys'
tires. but i know
what you mean.
thanks and i'll
catch you here.
vroom vroom...
: )
 — fractalcore

that's a rare phenomenon.
thanks for stopping by.
vroom vroom...
: )
 — fractalcore

dont' need that apostrophe for the cars on l23.

very nice work.
 — unknown

ok, i ditched the apostrophe.
thanks, unknown.
: )
 — fractalcore

fractalcore: i have R/Cs and also navigation instruments receivers and antennae
i can't zoom but i can set the right coordinates and see you any moment..
very imaginative, your two lines,
'my R/Cs don't have seatbelts
but i zoom in them to you...'
 — nisetru

hmm, very interesting. indeed...
: )
 — fractalcore

what's your exact coordinates?
: )
 — fractalcore

15 105; 17 745 khz; N 47.11499982620772°, E 21.9287109375° 34, 570454 meters east, 5218362 meters north (northern hemisphere)
 — nisetru

are you sure you got the figures right?
: )
 — fractalcore

I don't get it, but I don't get I am the walrus either, so I like it...quirky and odd
 — IamDave

thanks, IamDave.
i don't get it myself.
: )
 — fractalcore

ha
 — themolly

huh?

thanks for dropping by, themolly.
vroom vroom...
: )
 — fractalcore

this came up random and sent me wheeling when I read the second stroph I laughed at the 'insight' -- love it
 — AlchemiA

thanks, AlchemiA.
: )
 — fractalcore

lovely read, almost a year after its birth:)
 — nisetru

thanks for your visit, nisetru.

i liked writing this piece and i still
like it to this day.

hope to see more of you around here.
: )
 — fractalcore

bumpeetee day, everee-one.
; )
 — fractalcore

good ol' days...

:\
 — fractalcore

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